talking fish, sacrifice, and dark angst

I have all sorts of brilliant meta fannish thoughts right now, but I'm too lazy to write them down. I also seem to be too lazy to write, vid, or do my taxes. (I'm Canadian. I have until the end of the month.)

Instead, I'm reading Harry Potter fanfic written by thirteen-year-olds.

Now, I'm not going to dish here because as far as I'm concerned, when you're thirteen, you're bloody well entitled to write bad fanfic. But it's highly entertaining to read.

It is, like a lot of fanfic, wish fulfillment. The teeny variety is just more blunt about it. In one lovely piece, not only did Harry and Hermione get together and Ron was totally happy about it, Professor Snape got fired, a wonderful new teacher was hired, all the Slytherins and Gryffindors started getting along beautifully, except for Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle, whom everyone hated. Also, Hermione got pregnant and so she and Harry got married by Dumbledore while they were still in school.

Or the author-as-character who was a raven-haired part-Veela Slytherin boy and who got thrown together with Ron while they were trying to help Harry and Hermione get together. As you can imagine, my slash alarms were going off like mad, but of course nothing came of it.

It makes me want to write my own Mary Sue fic, something I never did when I was younger. But do I want to be the beautiful and mysterious exchange student who arrives in 6th year and turns Ron's head from Hermione and Draco's from Harry?

Or the beautiful and mysterious new professor who captures Snape's heart and brings him out of himself whilst shagging Madame Hooch on the side?

Or the beautiful and mysterious new student who is so brilliant she's skipped several years ahead and invents new spells whilst still at school and makes Hermione drop dead with jealousy?

They all sound so fun! What about you? What's your Mary Sue?