prillalar | Ain't there anyone here for love, sweet love?

Ain't there anyone here for love, sweet love?

Ah, my loves, Happy Valentine's Day!

Last week, I was chatting with kormantic and saying I should get something done for you all for a Valentine's treat. And she told me that I give so much, I should get people to give me things instead. So I thought that was a good idea but then I forgot to post about it ahead of time, demanding ~~tribute~~ drabbles for Valentine's Day.

So I came up with a way to both give and get prezzies: the Drabble-Matic.

Head over, make yourself a drabble -- slash, het, any fandom -- and then post it here so I can read it.

(I should warn you, my site has been a little slow today. Figures. And let me know if you find any bugs or typos.)

ETA: Damn, I spent all last night and a lot of this morning coding this and now my host is having network problems. Sometimes you can get through, sometimes not. Damn.

ETA 2: Linking, either to this post, or to the Drabble-Matic itself, is just fine.

ETA 3: If you want to try another drabble with the same terms, just reload the result page. If you get a message asking you if you want to re-post the info, say yes. Clicking the Again button will take you back to enter new terms.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm sure you never tire of these!

Here's mine:

A Frito In Time

On a chocolaty and puffy morning, Bubble sat under a desk. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her toe ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Squeak to love someone with a shiny uvula?

Groovaliciously, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like a delicious wooden mirror ball, all on a summer's day. I wish my Squeak would weld me, in his own quizzical way..."

"Do you?" Squeak sat down beside Bubble and put his hand on Bubble's bottom lip. "I think that could be arranged."

Bubble gasped haltingly. "But what about my shiny uvula?"

"I like it," Squeak said horrifically. "I think it's wet."

They came together and their kiss was like a fanfic that made every single reader smile in complete satisfaction.

"I love you," Bubble said quickly.

"I love you too," Squeak replied and welded her.

They bought a bonobo, moved in together, and lived messily ever after.

I have two. Just because.

A Lotion In Time

On a Cubist and intuitive morning, Mulder sat in the air. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His earlobe ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Scully to love someone with a crimson toenail?

Slickly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a satiated decaying painting, all on a summer's day. I wish my Scully would lick me, in her own artistic way..."

"Do you?" Scully sat down beside Mulder and put her hand on Mulder's leg. "I think that could be arranged."

Mulder gasped modestly. "But what about my crimson toenail?"

"I like it," Scully said happily. "I think it's incomprehensible."

They came together and their kiss was like a rolling stone only without the moss.

"I love you," Mulder said condescendingly.

"I love you too," Scully replied and licked him.

They bought a shark, moved in together, and lived willingly ever after.

The Adventure Of The Shark

Mulder and Scully were out for a satiated Valentine's walk in the air. As they went, Scully rested her hand on Mulder's earlobe. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so crimson, Mulder was filled with Cubist dread.

"Do you suppose it's decaying here?" he asked slickly.

"You intuitive silly," Scully said, tickling Mulder with her painting. "It's completely wet."

Just then, an incomprehensible shark leapt out from behind a lotion and licked Scully in the toenail. "Aaargh!" Scully screamed.

Things looked artistic. But Mulder, although he was open, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a cake and, like a rolling stone only without the moss, beat the shark modestly until it ran off. "That will teach you to lick innocent people."

Then he clasped Scully close. Scully was bleeding condescendingly. "My darling," Mulder said, and pressed his lips to Scully's leg.

"I love you," Scully said happily, and expired in Mulder's arms.

Mulder never loved again.

How perfect is that?

Also, I think Mulder would have Cubist and intuitive mornings. ;}

For Amy1!

A Ball In Time

On a fishy and glittery morning, Nemo sat on a sock. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His leg ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Gil to love someone with a silky knee?

Fluently, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a mirror-like red rhino, all on a summer's day. I wish my Gil would fuck me, in his own prettily way..."

"Do you?" Gil sat down beside Nemo and put his hand on Nemo's elbow. "I think that could be arranged."

Nemo gasped coldly. "But what about my silky knee?"

"I like it," Gil said icily. "I think it's blue."

They came together and their kiss was like the darkness that was so dark, the dark people called it dark.

"I love you," Nemo said quietly.

"I love you too," Gil replied and rocked him.

They bought a lion, moved in together, and lived wildly ever after.

Fatuous Love

Merry finished packing. Ever since Pippin, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Merry had been acerbic.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing flopped him, all was incandescent. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going to the pub to become a garrulous pony.

Just then, there was a sanguine knock at the door. Merry opened it and stood there roughly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his eyebrow.

When Merry came to, Pippin was holding his knee and looking vernal. "My love," Pippin said gently, "I'm sorry for the vacuous shock. I've been shipwrecked on a scrupulous island for the last ten years, living like three-day old dew on the leaf of a yellow rose. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my thumb in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Merry could hardly believe his Pippin had returned. "I will always love you, thumb or no thumb. Besides, you can cover it up with a pipe."

They embraced timidly and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was credulous.

Smooth Love

Jack finished packing. Ever since Daniel, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Jack had been smart.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing slammed him, all was sweet. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in a hat to become a young egg.

Just then, there was an old knock at the door. Jack opened it and stood there capably for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his head.

When Jack came to, Daniel was holding his heart and looking cute. "My love," Daniel said slowly, "I'm sorry for the annoying shock. I've been shipwrecked on a silly island for the last ten years, living like a hot knife going through butter. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my hand in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Jack could hardly believe his Daniel had returned. "I will always love you, hand or no hand. Besides, you can cover it up with a hat."

They embraced smoothly and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was tough.

hello...I just had to try this. Mine are pretty...um...odd?

__________
A Tree In Time

On a lovely and dreadful morning, Severus sat in the house. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His throat ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Harry to love someone with a bright nipple?

Abnormally, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a bleak dark clock, all on a summer's day. I wish my Harry would push me, in his own special way..."

"Do you?" Harry sat down beside Severus and put his hand on Severus's leg. "I think that could be arranged."

Severus gasped sexily. "But what about my bright nipple?"

"I like it," Harry said amateurly. "I think it's dank."

They came together and their kiss was like a glittering gift to all the world.

"I love you," Severus said zealously.

"I love you too," Harry replied and pushed him.

They bought a dog, moved in together, and lived dreadfully ever after.

________________
Clueless Love

Harry finished packing. Ever since Sirius, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Harry had been annoying.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing thrusted him, all was enthusiastic. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in a tree to become an adventurous book.

Just then, there was a crazy knock at the door. Harry opened it and stood there hopelessly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his shin.

When Harry came to, Sirius was holding his shoulder and looking famous. "My love," Sirius said artificially, "I'm sorry for the dangerous shock. I've been shipwrecked on a flexible island for the last ten years, living like a swiftly moving train into a tunnel. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my chin in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Harry could hardly believe his Sirius had returned. "I will always love you, chin or no chin. Besides, you can cover it up with a cupcake."

They embraced lustfully and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was unique.

____________

unique indeed...

Roughly Tripping

Lex tripped along expertly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Superman, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a frog hopping along, carrying a bookcase in its mouth.

Lex was almost through a tunnel when he came across a fresh cake, lying alone on a furry plate. "That must be a treat from my wooden bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked valuable, so he ate it.

It gave him the most expandable tingling sensation in his thigh. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Superman.

When Superman came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Lex cried wildly.

"Your chest! And your forefinger!" Superman said. "They're pointed! Can't you feel it?"

Lex felt his chest and his forefinger. They were indeed quite pointed. "Oh, no!" Lex said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that fresh cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Superman said. "I got you a briefcase. It must have been that entirely artificial man who lives nearby. He acts a little smoothly, ever since he pushed a teacup."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Lex sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Superman said quietly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your chest is really ornery like that."

"Really?" Lex dried her tears. Lex kissed Superman and it was an entirely vanilla scented sensation, like a spring shower washing the world clean.

They spent the night having entirely vanilla scented sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

I use/type the word 'sex' too often. If that's possible.

To Bodily Fuck

Harry and Draco were celebrating a lovely Valentine's Day together. Harry had cooked a shiny dinner and they ate in a jam by candlelight.

"My darling," Draco said, stroking Harry's neck, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Harry. "It is but a sarcastic token of my kind love."

Harry opened the box. Inside was a fuckwitted wand! He gazed at it sexily. Then he gazed at Draco sexily. "It's sexy," Harry said. "Come here and let me fuck you."

Just then, a pretty crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a bull in a china shop. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a green voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Draco read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other mischeviously as the crone cackled some more. Harry's mouth began to tremble. Then Draco shrugged, pulled out a bed, and hit the crone on her leg. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Harry said and kissed Draco wonderfully. "This is an insane Valentine's Day!"

They crazily burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they fucked each other all night long.

So messed up.

This is very addictive.

Angel/Highlander:
A Chains In Time

On a torn and black morning, Angel sat in the dungeons. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His chest ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Duncan MacLeod to love someone with a sexy neck?

Obsessively, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a bound healing blood, all on a summer's day. I wish my Duncan MacLeod would bite me, in his own slutty way..."

"Do you?" Duncan MacLeod sat down beside Angel and put his hand on Angel's mouth. "I think that could be arranged."

Angel gasped strongly. "But what about my sexy neck?"

"I like it," Duncan MacLeod said lovingly. "I think it's bloody."

They came together and their kiss was like Apophis in hell.

"I love you," Angel said roughly.

"I love you too," Duncan MacLeod replied and bit him.

They bought a demon, moved in together, and lived deliciously ever after.

and
Harry Potter/Stargate
Roughly Tripping

Bill Weasley tripped along softly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Daniel Jackson, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a giant squid hopping along, carrying a pyramid in its mouth.

Bill Weasley was almost in the desert when he came across a purple cake, lying alone on a slutty plate. "That must be a treat from my safe bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked hopeful, so he ate it.

It gave him the most hot tingling sensation in his neck. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Daniel Jackson.

When Daniel Jackson came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Bill Weasley cried innocently.

"Your lips! And your cheek!" Daniel Jackson said. "They're sleazy! Can't you feel it?"

Bill Weasley felt his lips and his cheek. They were indeed quite sleazy. "Oh, no!" Bill Weasley said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that purple cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Daniel Jackson said. "I got you a Stargate. It must have been that strong man who lives nearby. He acts a little magically, ever since he kissed a wand."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Bill Weasley sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Daniel Jackson said bad, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your lips is really magical like that."

"Really?" Bill Weasley dried her tears. Bill Weasley kissed Daniel Jackson and it was an entirely horny sensation, like a Jaffa who hasn't shaved.

They spent the night having entirely horny sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

So very hilarious! Linked her by

suelac

A Garrotte In Time

On a sleek and thin morning, Lauren sat in a car. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her knee ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Sydney to love someone with a velvety shoulder?

Gently, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like a sinuous sultry knife, all on a summer's day. I wish my Sydney would shoot me, in her own snarky way..."

"Do you?" Sydney sat down beside Lauren and put her hand on Lauren's wrist. "I think that could be arranged."

Lauren gasped boldly. "But what about my velvety shoulder?"

"I like it," Sydney said cannily. "I think it's sensitive."

They came together and their kiss was like a drop of water on a hot August sidewalk.

"I love you," Lauren said dangerously.

"I love you too," Sydney replied and shot her.

They bought a cat, moved in together, and lived brazenly ever after.

To Rawly Throw

Zeke and Casey were celebrating a sneaky Valentine's Day together. Zeke had cooked a habitual dinner and they ate on the road by candlelight.

"My darling," Casey said, stroking Zeke's elbow, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Zeke. "It is but a curious token of my wry love."

Zeke opened the box. Inside was a crass pylon! He gazed at it knowingly. Then he gazed at Casey knowingly. "It's apologetic," Zeke said. "Come here and let me throw you."

Just then, a latent crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a wild beast tangled in a net. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a lurid voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Casey read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other madly as the crone cackled some more. Zeke's toe began to tremble. Then Casey shrugged, pulled out a button, and hit the crone on her nose. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Zeke said and kissed Casey slowly. "This is a gloomy Valentine's Day!"

They faintly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they threw each other all night long.

The Adventure Of The Sheep

Legolas and Gimli were out for a bent Valentine's walk in Isengard. As they went, Gimli rested his hand on Legolas's spleen. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so damaged, Legolas was filled with old dread.

"Do you suppose it's disastrous here?" he asked daintily.

"You hairy silly," Gimli said, tickling Legolas with his pool table. "It's completely fluffy."

Just then, a plump sheep leapt out from behind a suitcase and panted Gimli in the eyebrow. "Aaargh!" Gimli screamed.

Things looked wonky. But Legolas, although he was tainted, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a gutter and, like the desert misses the rain, beat the sheep lovingly until it ran off. "That will teach you to pant innocent people."

Then he clasped Gimli close. Gimli was bleeding crookedly. "My darling," Legolas said, and pressed his lips to Gimli's belly button.

"I love you," Gimli said politically incorrectly, and expired in Legolas's arms.

Legolas never loved again.

(here via

hiddendaze, quite amused by this)

A Fireplace in Time

On a putrefact and preternatural morning, Remus sat above the stars. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His shoulder ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Regulus to love someone with a lackluster kneecap?

Stealthily, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a quivering visceral potato, all on a summer's day. I wish my Regulus would eat me, in his own tasteless way..."

"Do you?" Regulus sat down beside Remus and put his hand on Remus's nose. "I think that could be arranged."

Remus gasped cleverly. "But what about my lackluster kneecap?"

"I like it," Regulus said murkily. "I think it's overshadowing."

They came together and their kiss was like the first rays of sunlight the morning after the coming of spring.

"I love you," Remus said sweetly.

"I love you too," Regulus replied and ate him.

They bought a squirrel, moved in together, and lived specifically ever after.

Here's mine.

Damningly Tripping

Hermione tripped along willingly. She was on her way to meet her lover, Ron, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a wolf hopping along, carrying a beer in its mouth.

Hermione was almost in the water when she came across an unsinkable cake, lying alone on a soft plate. "That must be a treat from my strange bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked bushy, so she ate it.

It gave her the most pretty tingling sensation in her neck. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Ron.

When Ron came out to meet her, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Hermione cried warmly.

"Your lip! And your ankle!" Ron said. "They're quick! Can't you feel it?"

Hermione felt her lip and her ankle. They were indeed quite quick. "Oh, no!" Hermione said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that unsinkable cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Ron said. "I got you a hat. It must have been that metallic man who lives nearby. He acts a little oddly, ever since he flew a scarf."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Hermione sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Ron said hoarsely, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your lip is really red like that."

"Really?" Hermione dried his tears. Hermione kissed Ron and it was an entirely luminous sensation, like a small ship on a storm-toss't sea.

They spent the night having entirely luminous sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

The Adventure Of The Hamster

Skinner and Pendrell were out for an unfinished Valentine's walk on a spaceship. As they went, Pendrell rested his hand on Skinner's hair. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so squeaky, Skinner was filled with rough dread.

"Do you suppose it's shiny here?" he asked abruptly.

"You wide silly," Pendrell said, tickling Skinner with his microscope. "It's completely intricate."

Just then, a rusty hamster leapt out from behind a alien and hugged Pendrell in the ass. "Aaargh!" Pendrell screamed.

Things looked fringed. But Skinner, although he was glacial, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a sample and, like a blunt Swiss Army knife that can't even cut a piece of Swiss cheese, beat the hamster tenderly until it ran off. "That will teach you to hug innocent people."

Then he clasped Pendrell close. Pendrell was bleeding hesitantly. "My darling," Skinner said, and pressed his lips to Pendrell's hand.

"I love you," Pendrell said joyously, and expired in Skinner's arms.

Skinner never loved again.

A Legilimens In Time
A Drabble-o-Matic Drabble

On an inverted and paranoid morning, Alastor sat in bed. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His cock ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Dylan to love someone with a brilliant scar?

Bashfully, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like an inopportune magnetic Auror, all on a summer's day. I wish my Dylan would bite me, in his own nonsensical way..."

"Do you?" Dylan sat down beside Alastor and put his hand on Alastor's arse. "I think that could be arranged."

Alastor gasped frankly. "But what about my brilliant scar?"

"I like it," Dylan said huskily. "I think it's quixotic."

They came together and their kiss was like that first glass of whiskey that gets you out of bed in the morning.

"I love you," Alastor said abruptly.

"I love you too," Dylan replied and bit him.

They bought a bear, moved in together, and lived sarcastically ever after.

You just made my night a whole lot more interesting.

The Adventure Of The Cat

Jack and Daniel were out for a robust Valentine's walk on the deck. As they went, Daniel rested his hand on Jack's arm. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so sexy, Jack was filled with tender dread.

"Do you suppose it's blue here?" he asked jokingly.

"You mushy silly," Daniel said, tickling Jack with his rock. "It's completely prickly."

Just then, a rough plot bunny leapt out from behind a sandwhich and smacked Daniel in the knee. "Aaargh!" Daniel screamed.

Things looked squishy. But Jack, although he was horny, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a tree and, like a college student with homework, beat the plot bunny cunningly until it ran off. "That will teach you to smack innocent people."

Then he clasped Daniel close. Daniel was bleeding whimsically. "My darling," Jack said, and pressed his lips to Daniel's nose.

"I love you," Daniel said tactfully, and expired in Jack's arms.

Jack never loved again.

Damn those rough plot bunnies! They'll get you, or rather, Daniel, every time. *g*

Snape becoming a grand stapler and Lucius looking bendy? bwa ha ha! Thanks for the laugh!

Crazy Love

Severus finished packing. Ever since Lucius, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Severus had been strong.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing grabbed him, all was vicious. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going next to the lake to become a grand stapler.

Just then, there was a white knock at the door. Severus opened it and stood there easily for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his dick.

When Severus came to, Lucius was holding his arse and looking bendy. "My love," Lucius said softly, "I'm sorry for the tactless shock. I've been shipwrecked on a quivering island for the last ten years, living like a virgin touched for the very first time. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my tit in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Severus could hardly believe his Lucius had returned. "I will always love you, tit or no tit. Besides, you can cover it up with a book."

They embraced quietly and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was double.

Breathily Tripping

Voldemort tripped along dastardly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Lucius, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a turtle hopping along, carrying a rose in its mouth.

Voldemort was almost by a river when he came across a fluffy cake, lying alone on an inflated plate. "That must be a treat from my dank bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked amative, so he ate it.

It gave him the most blue tingling sensation in his tongue. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Lucius.

When Lucius came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Voldemort cried salaciously.

"Your finger! And your cock!" Lucius said. "They're itchy! Can't you feel it?"

Voldemort felt his finger and his cock. They were indeed quite itchy. "Oh, no!" Voldemort said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that fluffy cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Lucius said. "I got you a chocolate. It must have been that slippery man who lives nearby. He acts a little tastefully, ever since he rubbed a snow."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Voldemort sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Lucius said patiently, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your finger is really floral like that."

"Really?" Voldemort dried her tears. Voldemort kissed Lucius and it was an entirely irritating sensation, like a waterfall that cascades from the mountain top.

They spent the night having entirely irritating sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

Thank you for the drabble generator!

A Badger In Time

On a broken and radiant morning, Snape sat inside a cave. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His head ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Sirius to love someone with a shimmering toe?

Slowly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a smudged harsh book, all on a summer's day. I wish my Sirius would pull me, in his own inexplicable way..."

"Do you?" Sirius sat down beside Snape and put his hand on Snape's chest. "I think that could be arranged."

Snape gasped instantly. "But what about my shimmering toe?"

"I like it," Sirius said excitedly. "I think it's heavenly."

They came together and their kiss was like a fish that sprouted wings and flew to Ireland.

"I love you," Snape said boldly.

"I love you too," Sirius replied and coaxed him.

They bought a raven, moved in together, and lived irrepressibly ever after.

"I will always love you, clitoris or no clitoris. Besides, you can cover it up with a fedora."

To Loudly Encourage

Snape and Remus were celebrating a symmetrical Valentine's Day together. Snape had cooked an ineffable dinner and they ate under the blue sky by candlelight.

"My darling," Remus said, stroking Snape's finger, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Snape. "It is but a sparkling token of my unlikely love."

Snape opened the box. Inside was a shiny trophy! He gazed at it eagerly. Then he gazed at Remus eagerly. "It's simultaneous," Snape said. "Come here and let me encourage you."

Just then, a tangible crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a fairy godmother who grants her own wish and lives happily ever after. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in an overcast voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Remus read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other curiously as the crone cackled some more. Snape's thigh began to tremble. Then Remus shrugged, pulled out a terrapin, and hit the crone on her neck. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Snape said and kissed Remus unintentionally. "This is a circular Valentine's Day!"

They grudgingly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they grabbed each other all night long.

The Adventure Of The Armadillo

Ron and Draco were out for a different Valentine's walk on the bed. As they went, Draco rested his hand on Ron's spleen. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so short, Ron was filled with dodgy dread.

"Do you suppose it's sickly here?" he asked eroticly.

"You silent silly," Draco said, tickling Ron with his paperweight. "It's completely light."

Just then, a confused armadillo leapt out from behind a rake and flashed Draco in the finger. "Aaargh!" Draco screamed.

Things looked insubstantial. But Ron, although he was brave, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a spoon and, like a homophobe flaming a chat board, beat the armadillo suddenly until it ran off. "That will teach you to pounce innocent people."

Then he clasped Draco close. Draco was bleeding quickly. "My darling," Ron said, and pressed his lips to Draco's head.

"I love you," Draco said indecently, and expired in Ron's arms.

Ron never loved again.

Oh, this is so troubling...

Quickly Tripping

Lex tripped along sadly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Clark, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a dog hopping along, carrying a car in its mouth.

Lex was almost in a tree when he came across a lustful cake, lying alone on a daring plate. "That must be a treat from my skeptical bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked bright, so he ate it.

It gave him the most shiny tingling sensation in his leg. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Clark.

When Clark came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Lex cried strangely.

"Your hand! And your face!" Clark said. "They're quiet! Can't you feel it?"

Lex felt his hand and his face. They were indeed quite quiet. "Oh, no!" Lex said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that lustful cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Clark said. "I got you a pool table. It must have been that cheerful man who lives nearby. He acts a little huskily, ever since he touched a desk."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Lex sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Clark said innocently, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your hand is really gentle like that."

"Really?" Lex dried her tears. Lex kissed Clark and it was an entirely joyous sensation, like the cat that swallowed the canary.

They spent the night having entirely joyous sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

Shiny toy! Thanks for letting us play with it.

A Chenille in Time

On an ungovernable and doltish morning, Remus sat near the edge. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His clavicle ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Ron to love someone with a chastened eyelid?

Hurtfully, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a medieval benevolent prophet, all on a summer's day. I wish my Ron would flail me, in his own odious way..."

"Do you?" Ron sat down beside Remus and put his hand on Remus' Achilles tendon. "I think that could be arranged."

Remus gasped suppliantly. "But what about my chastened eyelid?"

"I like it," Ron said militantly. "I think it's nonrestrictive."

They came together and their kiss was like cupid with his bow, sweeping down upon the unlucky in love.

"I love you," Remus said carelessly.

"I love you too," Ron replied and relished him.

They bought a bat, moved in together, and lived artfully ever after.

Thanks for the fabulous prezzie.

A Teacup In Time

On a beauteous and blue morning, Sirius sat on a sofa. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His mouth ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Harry to love someone with a shiny cock?

Crazily, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a tired false wand, all on a summer's day. I wish my Harry would kiss me, in his own irritating way..."

"Do you?" Harry sat down beside Sirius and put his hand on Sirius's hand. "I think that could be arranged."

Sirius gasped coldly. "But what about my shiny cock?"

"I like it," Harry said lustfully. "I think it's freudian."

They came together and their kiss was like the falling of small stones that starts an avalanche in the mountains.

"I love you," Sirius said hungrily.

"I love you too," Harry replied and kissed him.

They bought a lion, moved in together, and lived quietly ever after.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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Ain't there anyone here for love, sweet love?

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Heee!

Re: "I love you," Mulder said condescendingly.

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I can't play tennis, my golf's a menace-I just can't do the Australian crawl

Two more

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Re:

A Fireplace in Time

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Pendrell/Skinner!

Used it for the making of Moody/OMC as a prezzie for one of my friends who writes that ship

Loved it!

Re: Loved it!

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Voldemort & Lucius on Valentine's Day

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this is fucking brilliant