prillalar: (Jack/Thor)
prillalar ([personal profile] prillalar) wrote2004-02-14 09:19 am

Ain't there anyone here for love, sweet love?

Ah, my loves, Happy Valentine's Day!

Last week, I was chatting with [livejournal.com profile] kormantic and saying I should get something done for you all for a Valentine's treat. And she told me that I give so much, I should get people to give me things instead. So I thought that was a good idea but then I forgot to post about it ahead of time, demanding tribute drabbles for Valentine's Day.

So I came up with a way to both give and get prezzies: the Drabble-Matic.

Head over, make yourself a drabble -- slash, het, any fandom -- and then post it here so I can read it.

(I should warn you, my site has been a little slow today. Figures. And let me know if you find any bugs or typos.)

ETA: Damn, I spent all last night and a lot of this morning coding this and now my host is having network problems. Sometimes you can get through, sometimes not. Damn.

ETA 2: Linking, either to this post, or to the Drabble-Matic itself, is just fine.

ETA 3: If you want to try another drabble with the same terms, just reload the result page. If you get a message asking you if you want to re-post the info, say yes. Clicking the Again button will take you back to enter new terms.

oconel: oconel's Flowers (why?)

[personal profile] oconel 2004-02-14 09:30 pm (UTC)(link)
I read about this in bonibaru's LJ... I love it

To Softly Kiss

Harry and Draco were celebrating a blue Valentine's Day together. Harry had cooked a dizzy dinner and they ate on the four poster by candlelight.

"My darling," Draco said, stroking Harry's hand, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Harry. "It is but a long token of my hard love."

Harry opened the box. Inside was a strong castle! He gazed at it darkly. Then he gazed at Draco darkly. "It's sad," Harry said. "Come here and let me kiss you."

Just then, a dark crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like the moonlight reflecting on his head. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a sunny voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Draco read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other alarmingly as the crone cackled some more. Harry's thigh began to tremble. Then Draco shrugged, pulled out a book, and hit the crone on her lip. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Harry said and kissed Draco hurriedly. "This is a rough Valentine's Day!"

They noiselessly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they stared each other all night long.

[identity profile] pornography.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 09:32 pm (UTC)(link)
To Lovingly Glare

Harry and Draco were celebrating a wet Valentine's Day together. Harry had cooked a glowing dinner and they ate in a box by candlelight.

"My darling," Draco said, stroking Harry's nose, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Harry. "It is but a hard token of my hot love."

Harry opened the box. Inside was a slippery table! He gazed at it evily. Then he gazed at Draco evily. "It's round," Harry said. "Come here and let me glare you."

Just then, a shiny crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a green-eyed frog. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a demonic voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Draco read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other happily as the crone cackled some more. Harry's mouth began to tremble. Then Draco shrugged, pulled out a cat, and hit the crone on her leg. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Harry said and kissed Draco Softly. "This is a cold Valentine's Day!"

They wickedly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they glared each other all night long.

[identity profile] meret.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 09:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much for doing this! You're a genius! Here's mine:

Possessively Tripping

Meret tripped along powerfully. She was on her way to meet her lover, Lex, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a leopard hopping along, carrying a blanket in its mouth.

Meret was almost on a hill when she came across a glorious cake, lying alone on a hard plate. "That must be a treat from my wonderful bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked happy, so she ate it.

It gave her the most purple tingling sensation in her neck. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Lex.

When Lex came out to meet her, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Meret cried perfectly.

"Your hand! And your ass!" Lex said. "They're soft! Can't you feel it?"

Meret felt her hand and her ass. They were indeed quite soft. "Oh, no!" Meret said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that glorious cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Lex said. "I got you a ring. It must have been that smooth man who lives nearby. He acts a little gently, ever since he thrusted a pillow."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Meret sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Lex said lovingly, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your hand is really wet like that."

"Really?" Meret dried his tears. Meret kissed Lex and it was an entirely sexy sensation, like a wave that washes all other thoughts away.

They spent the night having entirely sexy sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

[identity profile] overloved.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 09:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Quietly Tripping

Harry tripped along breathily. He was on his way to meet his lover, Ron, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a bird hopping along, carrying a scarf in its mouth.

Harry was almost under the bed when he came across a brilliant cake, lying alone on an iridescent plate. "That must be a treat from my warm bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked soft, so he ate it.

It gave him the most melty tingling sensation in his hand. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Ron.

When Ron came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Harry cried quickly.

"Your neck! And your back!" Ron said. "They're delightful! Can't you feel it?"

Harry felt his neck and his back. They were indeed quite delightful. "Oh, no!" Harry said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that brilliant cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Ron said. "I got you a cage. It must have been that shiny man who lives nearby. He acts a little conveniantly, ever since he tasted a Rememberall."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Harry sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Ron said slowly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your neck is really smooth like that."

"Really?" Harry dried her tears. Harry kissed Ron and it was an entirely lengthy sensation, like the heat of a thousand suns.

They spent the night having entirely lengthy sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.


Fabulous. I love it!

[identity profile] donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 09:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Here you are:

A Sofa In Time

On an adherent and non-descript morning, Severus sat by the lake. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His finger ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Remus to love someone with a verbal torso?

Hardly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a dreamlike wary horse, all on a summer's day. I wish my Remus would shove me, in his own engaging way..."

"Do you?" Remus sat down beside Severus and put his hand on Severus's nose. "I think that could be arranged."

Severus gasped naturally. "But what about my verbal torso?"

"I like it," Remus said softly. "I think it's pretty."

They came together and their kiss was like an angels' choir, vibrating with a tender, divine melody.

"I love you," Severus said bewitchingly.

"I love you too," Remus replied and shoved him.

They bought a skrewt, moved in together, and lived immensely ever after.

The End

In its own, very twisted way, it makes sense. Especially the verbal torso. And the nose. And the shoving.

[identity profile] rei-c.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 09:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Thin Love

Padma finished packing. Ever since Draco, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Padma had been hot.

There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing screamed her, all was bitchy. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going to the lighthouse to become a squishy squid.

Just then, there was a sticky knock at the door. Padma opened it and stood there tiredly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her tongue.

When Padma came to, Draco was holding her eye and looking wobbly. "My love," Draco said swimmingly, "I'm sorry for the fluffy shock. I've been shipwrecked on a garish island for the last ten years, living like a snowflake that sticks to your tongue and never melts. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my nose in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Padma could hardly believe her Draco had returned. "I will always love you, nose or no nose. Besides, you can cover it up with a telephone."

They embraced groaningly and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was pureblooded.

~~

Bloody fantastic!

[identity profile] cesario.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 09:44 pm (UTC)(link)
You are the best person EVER and jesus, you must be an IT genius.

linking now

-------

Hateful Love

Dawn finished packing. Ever since Ethan, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Dawn had been beautiful.

There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing stroked her, all was chaotic. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going with a laugh to become a painful bell.

Just then, there was a sleepy knock at the door. Dawn opened it and stood there slowly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her arm.

When Dawn came to, Ethan was holding her hand and looking unpleasant. "My love," Ethan said horribly, "I'm sorry for the glowing shock. I've been shipwrecked on a lovely island for the last ten years, living like an infinite vortex of space time in which speech and sound were unnecessary.. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my knee in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Dawn could hardly believe her Ethan had returned. "I will always love you, knee or no knee. Besides, you can cover it up with a candle."

They embraced softly and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was kind.

Slowly Tripping

[identity profile] emrinalexander.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 09:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Slowly Tripping

Lex tripped along happily. He was on his way to meet his lover, Clark, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see an armadillo hopping along, carrying a moose in its mouth.

Lex was almost on a moonbeam when he came across a silver cake, lying alone on a happy plate. "That must be a treat from my green bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked incandescent, so he ate it.

It gave him the most shining tingling sensation in his leg. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Clark.

When Clark came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Lex cried gruffly.

"Your nose! And your head!" Clark said. "They're amazing! Can't you feel it?"

Lex felt his nose and his head. They were indeed quite amazing. "Oh, no!" Lex said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that silver cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Clark said. "I got you a cat. It must have been that blue man who lives nearby. He acts a little huskily, ever since he picked a mouse."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Lex sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Clark said wearily, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your nose is really red like that."

"Really?" Lex dried her tears. Lex kissed Clark and it was an entirely large sensation, as beautiful as a shining star that casts its glow o'er the pristine countenance of younder hills.

They spent the night having entirely large sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

[identity profile] justblue0162.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 10:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Ha! Thank you :)

To Softly Lick

Lex and Clark were celebrating a throbbing Valentine's Day together. Lex had cooked a pale dinner and they ate on the neck by candlelight.

"My darling," Clark said, stroking Lex's tongue, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Lex. "It is but a wet token of my velvety love."

Lex opened the box. Inside was a hungry limo! He gazed at it invitingly. Then he gazed at Clark invitingly. "It's sweet," Lex said. "Come here and let me lick you."

Just then, a heavy crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like sun shimmering on a summer lake. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a sharp voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Clark read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other shyly as the crone cackled some more. Lex's cock began to tremble. Then Clark shrugged, pulled out a barn, and hit the crone on her ass. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Lex said and kissed Clark roughly. "This is a sexy Valentine's Day!"

They firmly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they licked each other all night long.
ext_15252: (eliza)

To Uneasily Lunge

[identity profile] masqthephlsphr.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 10:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Connor and Faith were celebrating an ivy-covered Valentine's Day together. Connor had cooked an oily dinner and they ate on the sword by candlelight.

"My darling," Faith said, stroking Connor's thigh, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Connor. "It is but a wrinkled token of my blue love."

Connor opened the box. Inside was a distant shield! He gazed at it angrily. Then he gazed at Faith angrily. "It's leather," Connor said. "Come here and let me lunge you."

Just then, an enigmatic crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a weight upon the shoulders that could not be lifted. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a lanky voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Faith read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other desperately as the crone cackled some more. Connor's breast began to tremble. Then Faith shrugged, pulled out a battle ax, and hit the crone on her neck. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Connor said and kissed Faith frenetically. "This is a denim Valentine's Day!"

They awkwardly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they lunged each other all night long.

having Hambledore fun (thanks for the great drabble-o-matic!)

[identity profile] ntamara.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 10:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Heavy Love

Albus finished packing. Ever since Harry, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Albus had been sweet.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing pulled him, all was bright. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in a pear tree to become a slippery glasses.

Just then, there was a lovely knock at the door. Albus opened it and stood there angrily for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his ring finger.

When Albus came to, Harry was holding his cock and looking soft. "My love," Harry said slowly, "I'm sorry for the determined shock. I've been shipwrecked on a slow island for the last ten years, living like a really randy goat. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my nose in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Albus could hardly believe his Harry had returned. "I will always love you, nose or no nose. Besides, you can cover it up with a broom."

They embraced darkly and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was verdant.


The Adventures of the Phoenix

Albus and Harry were out for a verdant Valentine's walk in a pear tree. As they went, Harry rested his hand on Albus's cock. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so heavy, Albus was filled with lovely dread.

"Do you suppose it's bright here?" he asked angrily.

"You determined silly," Harry said, tickling Albus with his candle. "It's completely slow."

Just then, a sweet phoenix leapt out from behind a broom and pulled Harry in the ring finger. "Aaargh!" Harry screamed.

Things looked slippery. But Albus, although he was soft, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a glasses and, like a really randy goat, beat the phoenix slowly until it ran off. "That will teach you to fuck innocent people."

Then he clasped Harry close. Harry was bleeding passionately. "My darling," Albus said, and pressed his lips to Harry's nose.

"I love you," Harry said happily, and expired in Albus's arms.

Albus never loved again.


A Glasses in Time

A Glasses In Time

On a lovely and slow morning, Albus sat in a pear tree. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His ring finger ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Harry to love someone with a slippery cock?

Slowly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a verdant determined broom, all on a summer's day. I wish my Harry would fuck me, in his own sweet way..."

"Do you?" Harry sat down beside Albus and put his hand on Albus's nose. "I think that could be arranged."

Albus gasped passionately. "But what about my slippery cock?"

"I like it," Harry said darkly. "I think it's bright."

They came together and their kiss was like a really randy goat.

"I love you," Albus said angrily.

"I love you too," Harry replied and pulled him.

They bought a phoenix, moved in together, and lived happily ever after.

[identity profile] lizardspots.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 10:16 pm (UTC)(link)
The Adventure Of The Chiwuawua

Snape and Harry were out for a chewy Valentine's walk in a cave. As they went, Harry rested his hand on Snape's ear. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so criminal, Snape was filled with spongy dread.

"Do you suppose it's dog-faced here?" he asked juicily.

"You spectacular silly," Harry said, tickling Snape with his egg. "It's completely clumsy."

Just then, an argumentative chiwuawua leapt out from behind a monkey and fucked Harry in the leg. "Aaargh!" Harry screamed.

Things looked crimson. But Snape, although he was delectable, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a tractor and, like a cat that's just attempted to swallow a mouse, only to realise it was a sleeping porcupine, beat the chiwuawua poorly until it ran off. "That will teach you to fuck innocent people."

Then he clasped Harry close. Harry was bleeding angrily. "My darling," Snape said, and pressed his lips to Harry's belly-button.

"I love you," Harry said beautifully, and expired in Snape's arms.

Snape never loved again.

[identity profile] mark356.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 10:16 pm (UTC)(link)
<3333! Prillalar, you are a genius and I adore you forever.

Sharply Tripping

Harry tripped along beautifully. He was on his way to meet his lover, Cedric, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a badger hopping along, carrying a broomstick in its mouth.

Harry was almost in the light when he came across a dark cake, lying alone on a sticky plate. "That must be a treat from my beautiful bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked radiant, so he ate it.

It gave him the most sanguine tingling sensation in his hair. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Cedric.

When Cedric came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Harry cried stickily.

"Your elbow! And your pinkie finger!" Cedric said. "They're sharp! Can't you feel it?"

Harry felt his elbow and his pinkie finger. They were indeed quite sharp. "Oh, no!" Harry said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that dark cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Cedric said. "I got you a boot. It must have been that slimy man who lives nearby. He acts a little hoarsely, ever since he stroked a glove."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Harry sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Cedric said softly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your elbow is really clocklike like that."

"Really?" Harry dried her tears. Harry kissed Cedric and it was an entirely sparkling sensation, like the tunnel of a badger that goes all the way to France.

They spent the night having entirely sparkling sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.
enigel: Mr Cotton and his parrot (but why is the tongue gone? (by me) (ins)

wherein Jack = Jack Sparrow, and Jacques... it's a long story

[personal profile] enigel 2004-02-14 10:24 pm (UTC)(link)
The Adventure Of The Mermaid

Jack and Jacques were out for a delicate Valentine's walk in the brig. As they went, Jacques rested his hand on Jack's mouth. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so quirky, Jack was filled with forlorn dread.

"Do you suppose it's soft here?" he asked lazily.

"You worried silly," Jacques said, tickling Jack with his map. "It's completely moody."

Just then, a strange mermaid leapt out from behind a bottle and wrote Jacques in the hip. "Aaargh!" Jacques screamed.

Things looked long. But Jack, although he was blue, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a scarf and, as a two-headed moon that would decide to rise at mid-day, beat the mermaid fast until it ran off. "That will teach you to write innocent people."

Then he clasped Jacques close. Jacques was bleeding wantonly. "My darling," Jack said, and pressed his lips to Jacques's finger.

"I love you," Jacques said slowly, and expired in Jack's arms.

Jack never loved again.

Re: wherein Jack = Jack Sparrow, and Jacques... it's a long story

[identity profile] firesignwriter.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 10:37 pm (UTC)(link)
...can't...breathe...laughing...good christ...

::runs away to pimp this::

[identity profile] anjenue.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 10:26 pm (UTC)(link)
To Gracefully Tongue

Snape and Draco were celebrating a passionate Valentine's Day together. Snape had cooked a violent dinner and they ate on the couch by candlelight.

"My darling," Draco said, stroking Snape's belly, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Snape. "It is but a colorful token of my slick love."

Snape opened the box. Inside was a shiny cream! He gazed at it warmly. Then he gazed at Draco warmly. "It's sexy," Snape said. "Come here and let me tongue you."

Just then, a vibrant crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a snow-white cat making his territory known. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a feline voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Draco read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other slowly as the crone cackled some more. Snape's leg began to tremble. Then Draco shrugged, pulled out a chocolate, and hit the crone on her neck. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Snape said and kissed Draco irascibly. "This is a delicious Valentine's Day!"

They delightfully burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they tongued each other all night long.

[identity profile] morlom.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 10:31 pm (UTC)(link)
To Roughly Slap

The Squid and Ginny were celebrating a slimy Valentine's Day together. The Squid had cooked a warm dinner and they ate in the lake by candlelight.

"My darling," Ginny said, stroking The Squid's tentacle, "I have something for you." She gave a box to The Squid. "It is but a soft token of my tentacley love."

The Squid opened the box. Inside was a wet seaweed! He gazed at it lustfully. Then he gazed at Ginny lustfully. "It's huge," The Squid said. "Come here and let me slap you."

Just then, a smooth crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a mollusc on laundry day. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a sexy voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Ginny read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other tenderly as the crone cackled some more. The Squid's breast began to tremble. Then Ginny shrugged, pulled out a chair, and hit the crone on her eye. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" The Squid said and kissed Ginny needfully. "This is a hard Valentine's Day!"

They wantingly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they slapped each other all night long.

Re:

[identity profile] mark356.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 10:39 pm (UTC)(link)
I love how even though you had almost no control over this, you still managed to make it Weasleycesty, squid-pr0n-y, and tentacular! Well done; thank you.

[identity profile] dragonelle-fics.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 10:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks for sharing this fun surprise-- my results gave me a good giggle.

The Adventure Of The Grindylow

Severus and Remus were out for a silken Valentine's walk beyond the stream. As they went, Remus rested his hand on Severus's hip. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so brilliant, Severus was filled with sleek dread.

"Do you suppose it's ostentatious here?" he asked unknowingly.

"You patient silly," Remus said, tickling Severus with his roadsign. "It's completely shaded."

Just then, a verdant grindylow leapt out from behind a table and shuddered Remus in the neck. "Aaargh!" Remus screamed.

Things looked cautious. But Severus, although he was startled, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a hyacinth and, like an arrow streaking towards its target, cutting a swath through the very fabric of space in its haste, beat the grindylow frighteningly until it ran off. "That will teach you to shudder innocent people."

Then he clasped Remus close. Remus was bleeding stridently. "My darling," Severus said, and pressed his lips to Remus's ear.

"I love you," Remus said hastily, and expired in Severus's arms.

Severus never loved again.

Filch/Snape - Oh, it's just <i>perfect</i>...

[identity profile] atdelphi.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 10:36 pm (UTC)(link)
To Silkily Spank

Argus and Severus were celebrating a misreable Valentine's Day together. Argus had cooked a fine dinner and they ate in the dungeons by candlelight.

"My darling," Severus said, stroking Argus's hand, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Argus. "It is but a brilliant token of my pale love."

Argus opened the box. Inside was a dark whip! He gazed at it happily. Then he gazed at Severus happily. "It's kinky," Argus said. "Come here and let me spank you."

Just then, a dirty crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a dark cloud that casts its shadow over happy picnickers and makes the small children weep. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in an ecstatic voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Severus read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other softly as the crone cackled some more. Argus's mouth began to tremble. Then Severus shrugged, pulled out a chain, and hit the crone on her arse. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Argus said and kissed Severus sadistically. "This is a gorgeous Valentine's Day!"

They eagerly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they spanked each other all night long.

[identity profile] icarusancalion.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 10:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Delicately Tripping

Ron tripped along angrily. He was on his way to meet his lover, Snape, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a lizard hopping along, carrying a jervil-weed extract in its mouth.

Ron was almost in the staffroom when he came across an intense cake, lying alone on an arrogant plate. "That must be a treat from my aggressive bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked sultry, so he ate it.

It gave him the most luminous tingling sensation in his cheek. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Snape.

When Snape came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Ron cried whole-heartedly.

"Your tongue! And your fingernail!" Snape said. "They're passionate! Can't you feel it?"

Ron felt his tongue and his fingernail. They were indeed quite passionate. "Oh, no!" Ron said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that intense cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Snape said. "I got you a cauldron. It must have been that gentle man who lives nearby. He acts a little sensually, ever since he glared a dungeon."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Ron sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Snape said irritably, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your tongue is really bastard like that."

"Really?" Ron dried her tears. Ron kissed Snape and it was an entirely elegant sensation, like moonlight carves shape from shadow bringing the truth into sharp relief.

They spent the night having entirely elegant sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.



Heh-heh-heh. This was fun (and cauldron actually fit). Mind if I friend you?

Icarus

Re:

[identity profile] icarusancalion.livejournal.com - 2004-02-14 23:05 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] callsigns.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 10:49 pm (UTC)(link)
To Roughly Spank

Harry and Snape were celebrating a pink Valentine's Day together. Harry had cooked a shining dinner and they ate in the hot tub by candlelight.

"My darling," Snape said, stroking Harry's thigh, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Harry. "It is but a tender token of my bright love."

Harry opened the box. Inside was a jittery mattress! He gazed at it dramatically. Then he gazed at Snape dramatically. "It's smelly," Harry said. "Come here and let me spank you."

Just then, a lovely crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a little boy who had never seen a pair of breasts before. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a square voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Snape read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other happily as the crone cackled some more. Harry's thumb began to tremble. Then Snape shrugged, pulled out a lollipop, and hit the crone on her earlobe. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Harry said and kissed Snape suspiciously. "This is a fizzy Valentine's Day!"

They strongly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they spanked each other all night long.

[identity profile] widget285.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 10:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Here ya go:

Warily Tripping

Jack tripped along curiously. He was on his way to meet his lover, Thor, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a squirrel hopping along, carrying a wrench in its mouth.

Jack was almost in his closet when he came across a naughty cake, lying alone on a thunderous plate. "That must be a treat from my garrulous bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked supine, so he ate it.

It gave him the most quixotic tingling sensation in his bicep. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Thor.

When Thor came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Jack cried thoughtfully.

"Your clavicle! And your foot!" Thor said. "They're vexed! Can't you feel it?"

Jack felt his clavicle and his foot. They were indeed quite vexed. "Oh, no!" Jack said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that naughty cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Thor said. "I got you a mothership. It must have been that steely man who lives nearby. He acts a little rapidly, ever since he laughed a jell-o."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Jack sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Thor said achingly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your clavicle is really frivolous like that."

"Really?" Jack dried her tears. Jack kissed Thor and it was an entirely redundant sensation, like a rolling stone that gathers no moss.

They spent the night having entirely redundant sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.


Bwahahaha! You are da bestest, Hal! *snicker, snicker, howl!*

this is entirely your fault *g*

[identity profile] selenak.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 10:54 pm (UTC)(link)
The Adventure Of The Bird

Londo and G'Kar were out for a varied Valentine's walk in the sky. As they went, G'Kar rested his hand on Londo's arm. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so talkative, Londo was filled with middle-aged dread.

"Do you suppose it's glaring here?" he asked drily.

"You inventive silly," G'Kar said, tickling Londo with his wine. "It's completely ironic."

Just then, a skillful bird leapt out from behind a song and stretched G'Kar in the tentacle. "Aaargh!" G'Kar screamed.

Things looked glowering. But Londo, although he was sarcastic, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a blade and, like a last glimpse at the sun before it darkens forever, beat the bird mildly until it ran off. "That will teach you to stretch innocent people."

Then he clasped G'Kar close. G'Kar was bleeding bitingly. "My darling," Londo said, and pressed his lips to G'Kar's hand.

"I love you," G'Kar said huskily, and expired in Londo's arms.

Londo never loved again.
cofax7: climbing on an abbey wall  (Default)

[personal profile] cofax7 2004-02-14 10:57 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, marvelous way to cheer up my boring afternoon!

A Grolak In Time

On an amphibious and perceptive morning, Rygel sat in the galley. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His earbrow ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Noranti to love someone with a blue foot?

Snarkily, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a dim mottled thronesled, all on a summer's day. I wish my Noranti would fart me, in her own resentful way..."

"Do you?" Noranti sat down beside Rygel and put her hand on Rygel's third eye. "I think that could be arranged."

Rygel gasped dubiously. "But what about my blue foot?"

"I like it," Noranti said cheerfully. "I think it's bouyant."

They came together and their kiss was like a gelded zamnok.

"I love you," Rygel said frankly.

"I love you too," Noranti replied and farted him.

They bought a drannit, moved in together, and lived wisely ever after.

[identity profile] wtfbrain.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 11:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Jerkily Tripping

Angel tripped along hoarsely. He was on his way to meet his lover, Wes, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a cat hopping along, carrying a lighter in its mouth.

Angel was almost on the desk when he came across a fluffy cake, lying alone on a snippy plate. "That must be a treat from my colorful bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked mellow, so he ate it.

It gave him the most broody tingling sensation in his left nipple. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Wes.

When Wes came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.

"What is it?" Angel cried passionately.

"Your leg! And your nose!" Wes said. "They're violent! Can't you feel it?"

Angel felt his leg and his nose. They were indeed quite violent. "Oh, no!" Angel said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that fluffy cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"

"I didn't leave you any cake," Wes said. "I got you a gun. It must have been that fuzzy man who lives nearby. He acts a little loudly, ever since he licked a pen."

"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Angel sobbed.

"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Wes said quietly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your leg is really snarky like that."

"Really?" Angel dried her tears. Angel kissed Wes and it was an entirely irridescent sensation, like a rhinestone cowboy.

They spent the night having entirely irridescent sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.

Everything was rather awkward after that.

You are genius

[identity profile] hiddendaze.livejournal.com 2004-02-14 11:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Hi! I happened upon this via [livejournal.com profile] penknife's journal. Mine is...bizarre to say the least. Thanks :)

Alert Love

Remus finished packing. Ever since Sirius, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Remus had been gleaming.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing pushed him, all was bright. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going on a kitchen chair to become a smooth book.

Just then, there was a shy knock at the door. Remus opened it and stood there softly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his hand.

When Remus came to, Sirius was holding his shoulder and looking shiny. "My love," Sirius said firmly, "I'm sorry for the pale shock. I've been shipwrecked on a glowing island for the last ten years, living like a caged bird released after years of incarceration. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my leg in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Remus could hardly believe his Sirius had returned. "I will always love you, leg or no leg. Besides, you can cover it up with a broom."

They embraced passionately and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was taut.

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