Well, I know I'm biased, but I shall always remain most fond of the following from an SG-1 fic:

He was already smiling at his own idiot notions when he revealed the object of his desire. It was thick and firm, it's surface rippled by veins like chocolate, like a double Mars bar with twenty-five per cent extra free.

If you ever wondered about my Bad!Fic icon, now you understand the subtle, yet strange iconography.