prillalar | Could pirates have saved this movie?

Wednesday nights, I hang with the boy. Usually we go to the pub, but this week, to save $$, we stayed in and watched a DVD.

Specifically, we watched Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones.

You might ask why. Well, that's a funny story. I asked what DVD he wanted to watch and he suggested this one, assuming that we would, as we usually do, end up with about six different suggestions that we'd then prune down to one. Instead, I looked at him like he was crazy and said, "Ooooookay." So we watched it. And I wouldn't let him skip one single second of it, even the romance bits.

(No, we didn't rent it. Of course we own it; it's Star Wars. But owning it is no excuse for watching it.)

Of the good, it completely supports my "Jedi are creepy and evil" theory and I was glad to be reminded. More on that another day. And the sound design was just amazing. I think I could listen to all the effects and Foley with my eyes closed and be happy.

But this movie lacks relationships that have any sort of chemistry. Obi-Wan and Anakin? They just annoy each other -- I have no sense that they even like or hate each other. Anakin and Padme? Can you say Willow and Tara? I knew you could. Palpatine and Anakin? So undeveloped.

(Well, I did think that Padme had some good chemistry going with Queen Jamillia. That was the only thing about this movie that ever tempted me to fic.)

I liked the Obi-Wan-Jango fight, but there wasn't anything behind it to make me care more than that. I wanted to see much more footage of Anakin slaughtering the sand people. I think we needed to see that.

Of course Dooku was cool -- Christopher Lee couldn't be anything else. It was interesting to see the whole chain of evil and failure: Yoda trains Dooku, who goes evil. Dooku trains Qui-Gon who was, IMO, a little on the evil side himself. Qui-Gon trains Obi-Wan who doesn't have the guts to be evil, but he trains Anakin and you know where that goes.

I feel quite sorry for Obi-Wan, actually. He's surpassed by both his master and his student. He's never the best, never the worst. Never the hero. Always a bridesmaid, never the bride.

One thing that could have kicked this movie up a notch is an Anakin-Obi-Wan-Padme triangle, with both Obi-Wan and Padme competing for Anakin's attention.

Or maybe some pirates. Yo ho!

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(laughing hysterically)

Of course we own it; it's Star Wars. But owning it is no excuse for watching it.

Truer words were never spoken.

(No, we didn't rent it. Of course we own it; it's Star Wars. But owning it is no excuse for watching it.)

Words to live by. I've never seen it, though mostly because I don't want it to spoil my fragile TPM love.

Yeah, my initial reaction to Clones was, this is a better movie than Phantom Menace. And maybe it is on some levels. But I saw Clones 4 times in the theatre, once just because I got a chance to go to a digital theatre, and I saw Phantom Menace something close to 20, all told. (Including later showings at the uni.)

There was nothing *compelling* about Clones and that is a first for a Star Wars movie. It makes me sad.

You know, even my brothers, 6 and 7 and allegedly Lucas's target audience for the new films, vastly prefer the video game to this movie. We've watched it twice, and each time they complain "Why are they kissing? Why are they rolling around on the grass? Why does it end with them getting married? That's stupid."

And these are kids who watch TPM exclusively for Jar Jar Binks, so you know their standards ain't exactly high. *g*

.m

George Lucas should NOT be allowed to write romances. Ick! Even when they were married at the end, they were kissing like, "I guess we have to go through with this!" At no point in the film did I think they wanted to tear each other's clothes off. Obi-Wan had more chemistry with Dex than these two did with each other.

And now I'm just ranting. :)

I love the sound too. Those sonic blasts? Absolutely awe inspiring.

I love Hayden Christensen. To a fault. But the lines he is given here, they make me hurt. Hell, all the dialogue is very very bad.

But I love Ep II. I like the way it looks, I'm always for style over substance anyway. Doesn't mean I can't wish wish wish hope and pray that he doesn't screw up Ep III. But I've seen Anakin's mop/mullet hair. It does not bode well.

I love Hayden Christensen. To a fault. But the lines he is given here, they make me hurt. Hell, all the dialogue is very very bad.

Yeah, I look at him and I think, wow, he's a bad actor. But then I think, hey, so's Natalie Portman. And Ewan McGregor. Could anybody but George Lucas wring such terrible performances from such fine actors?

You're right about the visuals -- the whole Blade Runner look of Coruscant, the lushness of Naboo, the rain and while moulding of Kamino -- it's all pretty.

Sadly, that's not enough for me.

It needed pirates and all we got was a 4 armed fry cook.

The clone labs were cool, but Padme was a pricktease. I half-expected Ani to rape her in front of the fireplace. (And no, in my conception of the very warped Lucasverse, this would not preclude him marrying hr at the end, uin factm it would make it almost mandatory)

And yes, Jedi are at best stagnant, at worst actively evil. Obi-Wan is a manipulative creep.

But you are right, no chemistry whatsoever.

I never thought Padme's virtue was in any danger. I would have expected Anakin to have fallen on his sword before he would have fallen on her. To me, it just seemed like a bunch of courtly love talk without any hormonal drive behind it. *sigh*

You know, Boba Fett is kind of piratical, in a stoic sort of way.

*g* It was Special Edition Jedi that made me fall for Boba Fett -- the scene where he's flirting with one of the dancers and he chucks her under the chin and she's in this flimsy costume and he's totally encased in metal and I'll be in my bunk.

Of the good, it completely supports my "Jedi are creepy and evil" theory and I was glad to be reminded. More on that another day.

I am not the only one who thinks that! Yay! I'd be very interested in hearing more on that theory.

(I thought Jango and Zam had a lot of chemistry, but that was, um, mostly in the comic books. I wish I could find good fic about them, too. Shapeshifter issues are so interesting.)

In re evil Jedi, I will write up an essayette some day soon. Until then, let me just say that whenever I hear Boney M's song "Rasputin", I think of Qui-Gon Jinn.

There lived a certain man in Russia long ago
He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow
Most people looked at him with terror and with fear
But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear

He could preach the bible like a preacher
Full of ecstasy and fire
But he also was the kind of teacher
Women would desire

Could pirates have saved this movie?

"owning it is no excuse for watching it"

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