The usual whinging.

[prillalar]

I am not caught up with LJ. I am not going to be able to catch up with LJ. I feel terrible about this, but I don't see anything changing in the near future. The more I don't read (or answer comments), the more guilty I feel and then the guilt makes me avoidant and I just don't go near the computer at all. No LJ, no writing, no reading fic. (I'm still watching and reading all my media, though.)

Just to clarify, a new job and some other life things have made me a lot more busy. Nothing bad has happened. But I have less brain space and social energy than I did and there's not enough left for my current level of fandom involvement. I'm really a huge introvert and I'm needing more time inside my own head to recharge.

I hate feeling so unconnected to fandom. And I hate being so unproductive. I think it's going to have to go one of these ways:

1. Cut my flist. I SO don't want to do this. I never have done a serious cut before. I love having a large and diverse group on my list. But that really does me no good if I'm not actually reading it.

2. Filter my flist. I do have filters now, but they're for organization and I read all of them. (Well, I did, until a few weeks ago.) Somehow, that seems less, I don't know, honest than cutting, though. I don't usually make locked posts, so it wouldn't really restrict access to any of my fandom stuff.

3. Struggle on. Maybe after a month or so, I'll get my brain organized enough that I can be as social/productive/happyhappy fangirl as I was before.

4. Ignore LJ and fandom and just rewatch the Ippo-Sendoh bouts over and over again. At the moment, this is a tempting option.

I will take some time to decide. Now I am going to go try to write some fic, to get myself into more of a fannish headspace. I was going to disable comments on this post, so I wouldn't have to feel guilty if I didn't answer them, but meh.

Sorry for inflicting my complaining on you. And sorry for letting you down. I ♥ you guys. It's not you, it's me.

Comments

[achariya.livejournal.com]

No problem, sweetie. I'll take you off my watch-list so that you don't have the psychic issue of dealing with OMG can I drop her? I know how it goes -- been on LJ for a long time, and sometimes subscriptions have to be handled with a firm hand.

Just remember to post some fic in the communities so that I can stalk you there. <3

[prillalar]

Yeah, it's all so fraught, isn't it? And I like everybody on my list! I just can't keep with 300+ personal journals. I don't know how other people do it.

I'm still not sure what I'll end up doing re the flist. But I'm going to try to concentrate more on writing than reading right now.

[achariya.livejournal.com]

Yep. It happens. Usually there's normal attrition when you don't respond to someone else's journal for a while -- but in fandom, other things are at work.

[annotated_em]

Aw, sweet. *petpet* Life gets that way sometimes.

If you need to take me off your reading list, don't worry about hurting my feelings. I know how it goes, and I'm half-wondering if I won't have to do something about my own flist this fall. (I'm just trying not to think about it yet.)

Just remember that it's LJ, and it's supposed to be fun. When it stops being fun, what's the point?

Take care of yourself, sweet.

[froglivers.livejournal.com]

I like option 4 myself. But whatever, easier said when someone else's business. :D

I could never ignore the flist when it was stressing me out to pay attention to it.

[rensahannou.livejournal.com]

You don't have to apologize~ If you're busy, you're busy, and you don't have to feel guilty about taking the time to do the things you need to do ♥

And I have enough trouble sometimes keeping up with 20-something journals plus communities, so I can't imagine how hard it must be to have over 300! So if you need to cut me, I completely understand. ♥

Whatever you decide to do, I hope you feel better soon! ♥

[mousapelli.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I have to keep my flist down to not much more than 50ish people, or I can't keep up, and even then if i don't read it for a day or two, it's not worth trying to go back.

Don't worry about it, sweetie. especially comments, I say after a day or two, let 'em go. We'll still love you!

[pharrezychica.livejournal.com]

Sweetie, don't feel bad.
I know it's easier said than done, but I went through some times like this where I wouldn't check LJ for more than a week and then kept on pushing back the catching-up thinking about all the posts I'd find.... a vicious circle.

Just take it is, no one of your friends will get mad. They'll wait for you ;)
ake your time, and when you feel like it just start from that day's posts, no sense on going way back. You'll get caught up with the new posts made, you'll see :)

*hugs*
Don't stress it!

[pixxers.livejournal.com]

I just wrote the most thought-provoking, heart-tossing comment in the history of ever and lj ate it. I think that was the deciding factor in not getting a permanent account.

*smooch* Be absent, Hal. Live your life and eat cheese and watch good anime. We're not going anywhere. Or, at least, I'm not. ♥

[fishpatrol]

When fandom becomes an obligation, then there's not really much point in it, is there? Regardless of what choice you decide to go with, I highly doubt anyone on your flist would blame you. :)

[lovefromgirl.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, you just have to do a flist cut, no matter how painful that may be. Pare things down to whoever's closest to you, and if you feel you can handle it, gradually add whoever else floats your boat. I've done this a number of times -- v.v. satisfying.

[gossymer.livejournal.com]

Some peeps tend to drown the f-list - others make you wonder sometimes why you friended them in the first place ('cause they're the ones who have changed so much and you weren't there when the change happened, so you look at their LJs and go o__O). I find flist cuts more honest but also has more potential for wank and hurt feelings.

For me I've needed to start using filters to get rid of all the icon communities from all the regular peeps. So far four filters:

-all
-all but few (excludes icons, fic and the peeps who have days when they spam a lot) It's my emergency-I-am-drowning!filter.
-icons
-fic

If you feel like you're drowning, create a filter for now with only the peeps you really, really want to read. Given time you'll figure out how everyone else fits into your f-list (whether you miss them or are relieved you can't see their posts)

Don't feel guilty *whaps you on the head and hugs*

[neeteeus.livejournal.com]

If it starts feeling like work and giving you grief, it's time to cut back, definitely. Life is too short for guilt. :D

So, no bad feelings, I'll be happy knowing you're enjoying the things that you enjoy. <3

[venivincere]

Well -- I've just resigned myself to missing things and apologizing because I'll never catch up. I love fandom, but it's horrendously time-consuming, and I can't always devote the time to it I'd like.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's OK if you can't be here all the time. We're glad you can be here at all. :-) *loves*

[knw.livejournal.com]

If you need time out then maybe take time totally out while you get more settled RL wise, then see how you deal when you're back and then flist cut if it's still all too much? I tend to agree about filters being a bit weird and less than honest to use for reading flists, hence mixing a little of everything else.

[karadin.livejournal.com]

fandom and fic should be fun, not a chore, and it will be here whenever you want it. Ganbatte.

[arallara.livejournal.com]

I'm totally struggling with similar issues right now, so I empathize, my dear. Do what you need to do to feel good about fandom, you know? We all understand. I've been trying to get myself more engaged by telling myself that there's no obligation of time, attention, etc. in fandom, not over the long haul. I'm rather failing at the being better engaged, but I keep telling myself that and trying! :) Anyway, I hope you find the solution that works for you. Nobody should be taking that personally, and I certainly don't.

[waxrose.livejournal.com]

♥ Don't go crazy. Do what you need to do and everyone will understand.

[shikishi.livejournal.com]

50 people. tops. but it is a hard choice. that said, filters are good.

and. regarding episode 12 (see icon).. did you see fic there in that conversation? cause I certainly did.

[wickedcherub.livejournal.com]

Everytime guilt makes me avoidant, I think of things this way
- no one REALLY cares if I reply to comments/ make comments or not
- if fandom feels like work, I'm doing something wrong.

Then I make a big flist cut. What happens then is everything is much more manageable and I can get back on the train, and then I add people back on my list slowly as I find that I can manage it all.

And honestly I don't think that people get upset about defriending as much as they're used to - also, you are primarily an unlocked fandom journal and people won't have the 'I thought we were best friends' thoughts, plus they can still read your LJ.

Whatever you do, I hope you do something so you can be free and happy again :D

[disutansu.livejournal.com]

I say struggle on. At least it's how it's been for me during the semester. Classes has been eating my brain so much, and I found myself unable to ignore LJ or the fandom. I'm just weak. ^_^;

[sarahofcroydon.livejournal.com]

I'll still be here too. <3

We'll try to struggle along without you.

[kormantic.livejournal.com]

Manfully.

[crowitched.livejournal.com]

Do whatever it's the best for you. Why apologising? It's your journal isn't it?, and these are your springcleanings, no biggie. Good luck too!

Feel free to cut me off, I'll still be here and jesus do I feel nervous when people I somewhat worship add me back.

[grasshopper.livejournal.com]

Just so's you know, you are never, ever, ever required to comment to my posts or reply to my comments on yours. In fact, if you don't comment, I'll probably just pretend that you have this, like, really intense crush on me that renders you too awestruck to say a word in my presence. And that way, you have a bit less guilt and I have a delightful fantasy. It's win-win, really.

In less ridiculous news, here is a thought: you have a lot of communities friended. I was really surprised at how much less noisy my friendslist seemed when I started reading on the ?show=p filter (personal journals only) or defriended some comms altogether. Beyond just the numbers, I mean -- it seemed more intimate to me, since everything I was reading was from someone I actually knew and cared about. Though the numbers were nice, too; even with 150+ personal journals, I could go away for a day or two and only just crack skip=20. Plus, I didn't feel guilty filtering comms out (as I would have if I'd been filtering people out) and also I realized that all I was really missing out on with the comms was like, badfic and wank and jdrama uploads that I didn't want anyway.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

I still like reading you, even if our interests have diverged. ^_^ Do what you must.

[flonnebonne]

Feel free to take me off your flist (as long as I can still stalk you). I've been having trouble keeping up with my flist too, so I know how it is.

[quinesale.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
Don't worry, everybody gets busy from time to time and I think we all understand that you have to take care of some more important things first.

And agree with the others, LJ and fandom should be fun, not stress.
Just go for option 4 ;D

[qem_chibati]

I can totally understand that. I'm sure most people on your flist will understand if you need to trim down or can't reply. I'll still be here as well!

You could try having a pinup entry telling people how to grab your attention if you decide to do a cut, to let them know your still available just you can't follow everything anymore.

Usually when I feel overwhelmed I cross off communities and give myself a cut off point, anything past that point, sorry but I missed out. D: Usually after a long session of some sort of substitute for four. Luckily cutting communities have done the trick for me, but your flist is much bigger than mine and I haven't had something like switching jobs.

Speaking of which, hope everything goes well in your new job and that you enjoye it!

[leviosa8.livejournal.com]

Stay and have fun. By any means and in your own measure ♥

[postingwhore.livejournal.com]

It's your choice what to do :)

I feel guilty cutting people, but I also feel guilty for filtering (and there have been times when I've read a filter of maybe 20 or so people and ignored the rest 100+ people on my flist for an extended period of time).

I hope you find yourself again soon~

[candy-marie-55.livejournal.com]

Hal, sweetie, don't beat yourself up. I think as long as we can still access your posts whenever we want to check up on you, we'll get by. In any case, a lot of us have very RL-laden or plain uninteresting journals anyway, so ... I guess what I'm trying to say is I'LL LOVE YOU ANYWAY, PLZ DO WHAT YOU MUST, NO REGRETS. Kaidoh commands you. naked.

[not-purrrfect.livejournal.com]

If you see this can you tell me how to register at the drabble matic site? I can's seem to find a way in.

Thanks

=^!^=
Kitten

[slash-eater.livejournal.com]

Hi Prillalar!

I'm a helper on PSA and you've been assigned to me. I hope you don't mind I friend you so I can watch you on my flist (new fics and all - I hope you still write HP fics :)

Cheers!