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Happiness is.
More and more, I've been thinking about this: my most important task is to be happy. I'm fortunate in that I am a fundamentally happy person. I'm not prone to depression or blues. But I also realise that I have to work at being happy. Here's what I do:
Do hard things. My work -- web dev and programming -- is often challenging. And I have challenging hobbies as well. That's one of the reasons I write fanfic, in fact. Writing is hard. Even though I complain about it being difficult, that's what makes it satisfying.
Mellow out. If you remember your Hitchhiker's trilogy, you'll recall Judiciary Pag (aka Zippo Bebrock 5 x 10^8), LIVR. Learned, Impartial, and Very Relaxed. That has always seemed to me to be the ultimate goal. I will never be laid-back, but I have mellowed considerably in the last five or six years. People and situations just don't irritate me the way they used to. I think a lot of that has got to do with all the reading I do about the brain and consciousness, etc. It's given me a better understanding of why people behave the way they do. And I feel so much better.
Take time. About a month and a half ago, I started working four-day weeks. It's made such a difference. If you can afford to cut your hours, then I would strongly recommend it. I have more time to relax, to work on projects, to have coffee with people.
Make space. I have claimed the spare room as my own. I don't sleep here, but my things are here, my computers, my books, and most of all, my comfy chair. Just having my own area has made me more productive and more relaxed. This recliner was the best thing I've bought in years.
Breathe and smile. Changing your facial expression can affect your mood. If I feel irritated, I try to breathe and smile and often that will help a lot. Whenever I have to type my website password at work, I breathe and smile. I don't mean you have to be a merry sunshine, but this really helps me.
Learn things. I learn best by reading, so I read a lot of non-fiction about the brain, about culture, thought, quantum physics, psychology, writing, anthropology, anything really. I'm hoping to make more time soon for more language learning. And I want to learn to draw, because I royally suck at it and I think studying drawing will make a different part of my brain turn on.
Listen to ABBA. (Take a chance on me.)
What do you do to work at being happy?
Do hard things. My work -- web dev and programming -- is often challenging. And I have challenging hobbies as well. That's one of the reasons I write fanfic, in fact. Writing is hard. Even though I complain about it being difficult, that's what makes it satisfying.
Mellow out. If you remember your Hitchhiker's trilogy, you'll recall Judiciary Pag (aka Zippo Bebrock 5 x 10^8), LIVR. Learned, Impartial, and Very Relaxed. That has always seemed to me to be the ultimate goal. I will never be laid-back, but I have mellowed considerably in the last five or six years. People and situations just don't irritate me the way they used to. I think a lot of that has got to do with all the reading I do about the brain and consciousness, etc. It's given me a better understanding of why people behave the way they do. And I feel so much better.
Take time. About a month and a half ago, I started working four-day weeks. It's made such a difference. If you can afford to cut your hours, then I would strongly recommend it. I have more time to relax, to work on projects, to have coffee with people.
Make space. I have claimed the spare room as my own. I don't sleep here, but my things are here, my computers, my books, and most of all, my comfy chair. Just having my own area has made me more productive and more relaxed. This recliner was the best thing I've bought in years.
Breathe and smile. Changing your facial expression can affect your mood. If I feel irritated, I try to breathe and smile and often that will help a lot. Whenever I have to type my website password at work, I breathe and smile. I don't mean you have to be a merry sunshine, but this really helps me.
Learn things. I learn best by reading, so I read a lot of non-fiction about the brain, about culture, thought, quantum physics, psychology, writing, anthropology, anything really. I'm hoping to make more time soon for more language learning. And I want to learn to draw, because I royally suck at it and I think studying drawing will make a different part of my brain turn on.
Listen to ABBA. (Take a chance on me.)
What do you do to work at being happy?
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I'd say listening to horribly bad but catchy 90's pop music.
Dancing in the rain always helps too. ♥
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Exercise usually makes me happy, or just physical movement. Getting out of the house, walking around, and really *looking* at things (colors, light, textures). Doing any of this takes considerable effort to get launched.
You might enjoy The Happiness Project (http://happinessproject.typepad.com/happiness_project/)--she's covering a lot of this same terrain, in some detail.
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Thanks for the blog link -- I've been poking around a bit.
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Except for listening to ABBA. I usually listen to Enya, instead. And mellowing out is kind of sporadic. *laughing* But, yes.
Just being outside is another good one, for me. I like the scent of the air when the seasons are changing--which, of course, they are all the time in the temperate zone. It's calming.
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I'm trying to be outside more these days, taking walks, and sitting on the balcony. It has the added benefit of getting me off the computer for whole half hours at a time.
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Keep it impersonal when it is. Usually, whenever someone gives an opinion about something, they are not implying that you are wrong if you think differently. They are also not trying to persuade you to change your mind about it. People just want to tell what they think and have people listen to them. Whenever you feel hurt or attacked by a different opinion about anything, take a step back and reflect on what the person is really talking about: not you. And you are NOT your opinions. You are you.
Allow yourself to make mistakes. As the latest Nike campaign says: Failure is not my enemy, fear of failure is my enemy. In other words, the ony real mistake you can ever make is to stop trying in order to avoid making mistakes. Not one successful person on this planet has achieved a worthy goal without falling first, usually several times. Every mistake is getting you one step closer to your goal.
Never give up. Whenever you feel like things are not going the way you'd want them to, raise your chin and try again. Statistics say that every time you try, you have the same chance of succeeding or failing as the previous time. So take every try as if it was your first.
Make time to do the things you enjoy. There is no such a thing as a schedule too busy to make time for yourself. If you do have such a schedule, then choose between your job and your happiness, and look for another job as soon as possible.
Practice some sport/exercise. This is coming from a person who had spent the last 15 years not lifting a finger to do exercise until 3 months ago. The rumours are true: When you practice sports, you feel better physically. You have more energy, you feel happier and you have one more thing that challenges your mind and body (as hal suggested).
Have a goal. Whether it is saving enough money to buy a video game or being the employee of the month or getting an italian person to marry with, always have a direction. You have to make your own purpose in life, and you are free to choose anything. If you know you're working towards something, it doesn't feel as if you're stuck in routine or working in vain.
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Getting outside. The neighborhood we live in is amazingly good for going on walks; there always seems to be something new blooming in somebody's front yard.
Realizing that a lot of the time I can choose how I feel about minor crises and challenges, and that life really is better when one chooses to pay more attention to the good things.
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It really, really does.
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For example, enjoying a simple trip to the supermarket with my family. Or instead of taking the bus home, taking a walk just to watch the houses, the trees, listen to the birds.
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I try to do things that I feel are meaningful and helpful to others. I'm really, really lucky to have a job that I feel contributes to society and I try to help students 'off the clock' when I can.
Too, I try to take a sense of creativity and play into everything that I do. ^_^
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That really does make a difference. I'm always glad when I get a project that's educational or to help people rather than just trying to sell them something.
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In general music makes me feel way better, just singing (or in my case howling) along, improves my mood.
Treating myself to good food - I might be a glutton, but then enjoying a fine meal is also a treat for my soul.
Going for a walk: Gives me time to think while being outside, having fresh air.
Reading a really well-written story: Makes me forget my surroundings, all my sorrows and troubles as I am caught in a different world. Afterwards I always feel all relaxed and calm.
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But I'm writing, both in Polish and English, I do my work as well as possible, I read a lot, poetry and prose, I go to the theatres to see musicals and I read manga. I ceased doing the last thing two years ago but recently I took it up again and I love it. I missed my old hobby.
And I can say I'm really happy at the moment.
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I find being busy makes me happy, so long as it's not frantic. If I don't have enough to do, that's when I really get down.
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I like being busy but I have to have time to do things I really enjoy. That makes me happy.
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I think we all need to use this post as a good reminder that there's more to life than just getting through it. ♥
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If I'm majorly unhappy or really quite sad, I hug my mom. A lot. ♥ Or any other good friend, if she's not available. Touch, loving but not sexual touch, really helps. Also, I try to get some sunshine, or at least turn all the lights in my house on, and, especially if I'm alone, I turn some music or radio on so the house isn't quiet. As I mentioned above, a little physical activity helps, too.
If it's a serious problem, I first try to establish where I went wrong, and make a plan for the best way (or even ways that might possibly work maybe) to fix it. Depending on the magnitude, I may or may not do this list on paper. Once I've figured out a few possibilities, I carry them through. If they work, great.
If they don't, well, I might cry or scream or throw things for a bit--but then I make a conscious effort to let it go. I tell myself that I've done what I could, I remind myself that now I know better and I won't make the same mistake again, and then I get outside. I hang out with my friends. I eat ice cream. I run around a little playing Frisbee or something to get those endorphins flowing. I talk it out with a friend when I need to, but I don't feel bad for living my life and letting go (this all also applies if the problem is out of my hands, or something that's over and done with and there's nothing I can do now)
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Then I call my friends, because other humans > just yourself.
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You made me think. Awesome post.
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I think about Hal
Come visit!
Re: I think about Hal
I wish I could visit you, but I decided last fall that I wasn't going to enter the US anymore, not for the forseeable future. It makes me sad because I have such cool friends there, like you. *hugs*