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A few more words about 300.
A couple of things about 300, the InuKai story I posted on Sunday, because I can't quite let go yet.
1. Many thanks to everyone who commented. I really appreciate that you took the time to let me know what you thought. You said such great things and my responses, I fear, were pretty lame. But I wanted to say that it makes me happy beyond what I can easily express to know how the story made you feel.
2. Oich U Agus H-Iuraibh Eile (Love Song) - Rankin Family. I had a fairly big playlist for this story and listened to it a lot. But this song is the one that will always be connected to 300 for me. I don't even know what the lyrics mean -- I haven't been able to find a translation -- but the mood of it is what I was trying to express in the story.
3. This was probably the second most difficult story I've ever written (Blood Will Tell is still first, I think). I started it over a year ago and fought with it for a few months. When I complained to Kest about it, I always called it the "soul-sucking InuKai" because it was so frustrating and so depressing.
Eventually I just had to put it away. I intended to pick it up again in the fall, but I was busy and every time I got it out, I could never think of how I could fix it. Once I even spent a lot of time editing what I already had, but I just never added anything new. I thought about just deleting the file, but could never quite bring myself to do that.
Then in December, I started another story that I knew would be a challenge. I spent a bunch of time plotting it out and snowflaked it into something novella length. Then I tried to write it and it kicked my ass. Between that and other fic, I felt like I wasn't writing anything worthwhile at all, just fluff.
In February, I put the novella away and decided that I had to get this InuKai out and do something with it, to get my confidence back. And I finally figured out what to do with it. I think I just needed the extra year of experience to get to the point where I could write that story.
I worked on it on and off, interspersed with other things, and made a big push this month to get it done. It was still really hard, but I felt more inside the story, finally.
I almost didn't want to post it, though; I'd had it so long, I sort of wanted to hug it close to me and keep it for myself. But I didn't.
I've always felt like I wasn't doing justice to Inui and Kaidoh because I could never bring myself to really hurt them. Not that angst automatically equals worthwhile or that a lighter story can't be worthwhile either, but I just thought I wasn't digging down enough. I loved them so much I didn't want to give them trouble. And that's really the worst thing you can do, in fiction.
So now, at last, I feel like I've given them something respectful of them as characters and of their relationship. That should give me credit to write a few fluff stories now, at least. :)
God, I sound like a freak! Good thing you are all freaks too.
4. InuKai is my 100% pairing. I'm not going to say OTP, since I cheerfully ship both of them with a lot of other people. But of all my pairings in all my fandoms, I love them best. I just like to say that once in a while. ♥♥♥
And that's all.
1. Many thanks to everyone who commented. I really appreciate that you took the time to let me know what you thought. You said such great things and my responses, I fear, were pretty lame. But I wanted to say that it makes me happy beyond what I can easily express to know how the story made you feel.
2. Oich U Agus H-Iuraibh Eile (Love Song) - Rankin Family. I had a fairly big playlist for this story and listened to it a lot. But this song is the one that will always be connected to 300 for me. I don't even know what the lyrics mean -- I haven't been able to find a translation -- but the mood of it is what I was trying to express in the story.
3. This was probably the second most difficult story I've ever written (Blood Will Tell is still first, I think). I started it over a year ago and fought with it for a few months. When I complained to Kest about it, I always called it the "soul-sucking InuKai" because it was so frustrating and so depressing.
Eventually I just had to put it away. I intended to pick it up again in the fall, but I was busy and every time I got it out, I could never think of how I could fix it. Once I even spent a lot of time editing what I already had, but I just never added anything new. I thought about just deleting the file, but could never quite bring myself to do that.
Then in December, I started another story that I knew would be a challenge. I spent a bunch of time plotting it out and snowflaked it into something novella length. Then I tried to write it and it kicked my ass. Between that and other fic, I felt like I wasn't writing anything worthwhile at all, just fluff.
In February, I put the novella away and decided that I had to get this InuKai out and do something with it, to get my confidence back. And I finally figured out what to do with it. I think I just needed the extra year of experience to get to the point where I could write that story.
I worked on it on and off, interspersed with other things, and made a big push this month to get it done. It was still really hard, but I felt more inside the story, finally.
I almost didn't want to post it, though; I'd had it so long, I sort of wanted to hug it close to me and keep it for myself. But I didn't.
I've always felt like I wasn't doing justice to Inui and Kaidoh because I could never bring myself to really hurt them. Not that angst automatically equals worthwhile or that a lighter story can't be worthwhile either, but I just thought I wasn't digging down enough. I loved them so much I didn't want to give them trouble. And that's really the worst thing you can do, in fiction.
So now, at last, I feel like I've given them something respectful of them as characters and of their relationship. That should give me credit to write a few fluff stories now, at least. :)
God, I sound like a freak! Good thing you are all freaks too.
4. InuKai is my 100% pairing. I'm not going to say OTP, since I cheerfully ship both of them with a lot of other people. But of all my pairings in all my fandoms, I love them best. I just like to say that once in a while. ♥♥♥
And that's all.
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In other strange news, so Marks and were kind of talking about maybe joint writing the ghost story summer fic? since it would involve writing all 7 ghost incidents anyway, and I was wondering if you had any interest in being in on that at all. There wouldn't be like any rush, and I haven't started doing anything yet, other than thinking about which ghost stories I wanted to adopt for seigaku (must watch freak PoT ep again), but I thought I would throw that out there.
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The ghost story summer fic sounds like something I ought to know but can't quite work out if I've forgotten or just didn't hear about in the first place. But your ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
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I've always felt like I wasn't doing justice to Inui and Kaidoh because I could never bring myself to really hurt them. Not that angst automatically equals worthwhile or that a lighter story can't be worthwhile either, but I just thought I wasn't digging down enough. I loved them so much I didn't want to give them trouble. And that's really the worst thing you can do, in fiction.
I think this is what I'm trying to express to others myself but I have never found the right words. I'm not as eloquent it seems. ^^; Right now, I don't have the words to say what this really means to me. I wouldn't say this is exactly what I feel with Inui and Kaidoh but it's pretty damn close. I've written up a long... Thing about why I love them as a pairing and as characters but I feel as though I'm not really saying anything. I want to say so many things but I can't sort them all out and end up repeating myself. I feel frustrated that I can't make other people understand so I squish it all down. As long as I understand and keep trying, it's okay.
So now, at last, I feel like I've given them something respectful of them as characters and of their relationship.
I have yet to have that happen. On very few fics of mine that I've gone back to reread, I can truly say "YES!" On so many others, I am horrified at what I've done. Not worthy at all, but I want to keep trying. I want to give them something that they can be proud of too. *holds them close*
God, I sound like a freak! Good thing you are all freaks too.
Well I know I am one. I think you posting this made me feel better about how I feel with InuKai. It's not that I'm ashamed about what I feel; just I know that other people will not feel the same way and I can understand too. But it's kinda nice to know that I'm not the only one.
Ah but I ramble. *hugs you tightly* I'm really grateful to have met you through InuKai. You may have saved me yet. ^^
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Yes, keep trying. That's all we can do.
Well I know I am one. I think you posting this made me feel better about how I feel with InuKai. It's not that I'm ashamed about what I feel; just I know that other people will not feel the same way and I can understand too. But it's kinda nice to know that I'm not the only one.
I'm glad this makes you feel better. :) It's true, not everyone is in as deep as we are.
I'm glad I met you too! It's good to know someone else who loves them this much. *hugs*
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H'okay. Hello, I was just introduced to your writings a few weeks ago and I wanted to comment on each one but after each story I just felt like I couldn't put into words how truly amazing everything about what you wrote was. And I didn't want to take up commenting space with something that didn't do your work justice. So, I suppose, I wanted to apologize; and say, most of all, Thank yo for sharing what you do with us. You certainly get something when you write and it's delightful and refreshing and really, thank you.
I still think this comment is too random and not saying enough of what I'm trying to get across. Oh well -- I tried. ;)
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Fandom is just so cool. I love being part of it.