prillalar | On making yourself write.

I have to have the right incentive. Even if I really want to write a fic, have the plot all lined out, have tea/other liquid, a suitable keyboard, a good chair and the correct iTunes/iPod playlist, I still have to force myself. And then, I run off to check my flist obsessively every few sentences anyway.

I have found recently that the only way, at least until now, that I *can* actually write without stopping is if I am co-writing something and want to show off the results to my co-writer. Even then, I still jump around between windows a lot, but at least I can concentrate long enough to make the fingers tap on the right keys.

It's horrible, really. I love to write, it gives me an extreme rush to know I've created something, even if the results are sometimes not as good as I think they should be. Yet still, I hate the actual *writing* part of writing unless I am so caught up in the character's pov that I forget *everything* around me (which happens very rarely).

I guess everybody knows the story in which Douglas Adam's editor had to chain him to a desk in order to make him write. I *totally* get that. I usually have flight reactions every other sentence - need chocolate, must get more tea, need to wash the dishes... there is *nothing* that can make me stay at my desk and write for longer than an hour.

Why go through it? Because it's so gratifying to create. And to a lesser degree, I would think (though I have never shown my stuff to the public before), it's that you get positive reaction from other fans who like what you created. Writing makes happy and gives your brain exercise, TV, in the end if you watch too much, numbs. ^__^

Douglas Adams'. Obviously. *headdesks*

Why go through it? Because it's so gratifying to create.

Yeah, that's it exactly. If I'm not producing something -- fic, RPG stuff, code, etc -- I feel out of sorts.

I write anytime, anywhere.
I scrawl notes at stoplights, work dialogue while straightening stacks, mull plot bunnies as I mow.

I scribble on napkins, embarass my kids by having plot bunnies in restaurants and type when I'm supposed to be doing ILL.

Lucky you! I can't write longhand at all, except for note-making.

Me too. I have notebooks and notebooks of stuff, some of which never even makes it to the computer, much less online.

I've found myself writing more and more in a notebook instead of at the computer. It lets me get the words down, without distractions. I don't worry about crafting them into perfection, the way I do when I'm at the computer. There, I polish and polish and worry, and don't let the story flow. With a pen in my hand, I've given myself leeway to write *something*. And then I can craft it more when I type the passage into the computer.

A couple of weeks ago, I read Diane Ackerman's A Natural History of the Senses. In the afterword, she talks about the ways different writers prepare to right, how they invoke certain senses or follow a ritual to prepare. It was interesting reading - some took baths, some stood up, others had to go for a walk first, or drink coffee, or listen to music. Anything to disengage fear and allow creativity.

Whenever I try to write in a notebook, I can't read it afterwards. *g*

I think rituals help for a lot of things. I used to do that for my Greek translation homework, to get into the right headspace.

Well, the beauty of the notebook is that nobody besides me can read my writing when I'm in a creative flow. My mother despairs - she has gorgeous old school cursive.

In general, I have to be really desperate to get something out of my head before I'll write - otherwise, there are always distractions, other things to do. I tend to worry fic ideas to death before I give in and actually start writing them. Once I sit down to do it, I generally open up a new document and immediately hide my taskbar, because then I'm not looking up at icons and thinking, "hmm, I could be in Paint Shop Pro right now." And I don't give myself any breaks - I just write until I've completed the thought, I'm totally stumped, or I'm nearly unconscious.

There has to be caffeine. A lot of it. And music - I require music to write. I have a default "writing" playlist that's a jumble of violin, opera, and Portishead, because that stuff easily becomes a sort of moody background noise.

Sometimes, though, I'll just be at some really random place with a notebook (or, once, a huge stack of bar napkins) and suddenly I'll have a couple thousand words.

and Portishead, because that stuff easily becomes a sort of moody background noise.

Oh yes, Portishead! *loves Portishead*

I have no idea what you write, but I find there's nothing better for a good bdsm-scene (or even discussing things like that with friends) than Portishead.
(fyi: I'm writing a book that has some bdsm in it, and revolves on the idea of (willing) slavery, in all it's forms)

What do you write when listening to Portishead? Do you prefer Dummy, or the self-titled album? Why?

The last thing of any length I wrote when listening to Portishead was a 'where does the delusion end and reality begin?' kind of story, if that tells you anything.

I prefer Dummy - I find the first album distracting, for some reason. I'm not as fond of the whole of the self-titled album as I am of Dummy, so it doesn't blend in as easily as Dummy does.

Music, I find, worms its way into my brain whether I'm consciously listening to it or not and puts me in the right frame of mind for whatever it is I'm writing. Music doesn't necessarily dictate how a scene sounds or feels, but music influences how I write, how I sound and feel. I never write stories with an omniscient narrator - I feel an almost compulsory need to give just one person's perspective at any given time. I like to read fic where we know what everyone is thinking and we're sort of looking down from above, but I prefer to *write* fic where we're viewing a situation through the lenses of someone else's emotional state (and their biases, knowledge/ignorance, agendas, etc. ... but I suppose I'm just rambling on about emotions, at the moment), and that's where music really comes in for me.

Portishead, for example, has a sort of sluggish, restrained-but-apprehensive sound that's got this thin veneer of wistfulness over a deep well of cynicism and bitterness. ("Mysterons" comes to mind.) If I'm trying to make the reader twitch in a sort of 'all is not right here' kind of way, Portishead is very good at putting me into a frame of mind where I can write that effectively.

I can't write in absolute silence - the silence itself becomes a distraction. Another big function of background music for me is that it soothes away the distractions, and Portishead is particularly good for that, for whatever reason.

Dummy is the first album (1994, the self-titled one is from 1997), and I like that one best, too.

There are times when I prefer silence - then I have space for my thoughts to form in. :)

I have to work things out in my head first, but I can't leave them too long or they'll get stuck there and I won't write them at all!

And it sounds like I should check out Portishead.

The most important condition for me to write is *complete silence.* Especially complete lack of music (because music rhythms screw with my sentence rhythms; writing itself is an auditory experience for me). I'm always awed by people who can write with music going, or conversation in the background.

It also really helps to have room to pace, and coffee, and cigarettes, and at least two hours clear of interruptions or obligations.

And I find it helps me not to think of writing as a hobby, any more than I think of, say, working out as a hobby. It's something I choose to do not because it's fun but because doing it makes me feel alive and powerful and sane, whereas if I choose to *not* do it I feel like crap. I don't always make the right choice here--I slack on both writing and exercise for extended periods--and getting back into either one after a layoff is *hell*, but once they start rolling again, I realize what a half-life I've been living, and how good it feels to work so hard.

Yay! I'm also a complete-silence person, and I hadn't thought of why other than that it's distracting. But I'd say that writing is auditory for me as well - cadence and rhythm is so important - and in retrospect it's obvious now why I can't write with any noise at all in the background.

I find silence very distracting -- more so than music. Even when I was writing a piece in iambic pentameter, I still had music on, it just had to be instrumental. Conversation, though, I can't deal with.

Hmm, writing as a mental workout. Interesting.

When I'm in a writing frenzy, I can write just about anywhere, as long as I'm sure no one can see the screen. I usually have music playing on random. One thing I can't have is talk-radio (or, you know, actual people talking to me). It's very distracting.

Lately I've been very out of it as far as writing goes -- no inspiration and no drive to write. I'm hoping that's changing, though.

Sometimes it's hard to get back into the swing. I often feel like I've got lots of inspiration, but no drive at all.

Em's routine: Alarm goes off at five a.m. After a shower and various early morning activities, she drives off to Panera and eats breakfast while scribbling in a notebook.

If she is near a computer, writing does not happen. She has very poor discipline in that respect.

She also does not know why she is speaking of herself in the third person, but figures everyone has a quirk or two.

The computer can be so distracting. When I was writing Blood Will Tell, probably the most difficult thing I've tackled, I mostly had to take the laptop out onto the balcony so I wouldn't be connected to the internet at the time. Also, I had to whine about it a lot. *g*

Hmm. I do need to start from a -- well, not a good mood necessarily, but a functional one. Actually, certain kinds of bad moods work well for writing some stories.

But that's about the only requirement that's a must-have. I write in the car on the way to work, most days -- I have a small notebook that I keep in my lap, so I can scribble down a few words at each stoplight. Before I started doing that, it felt like I was losing a lot of good phrasing that came to me in the car and was gone again by the time I'd gotten to a computer.

Music helps -- there are some songs and some albums that have really character-specific feel to me, and when a character really gets important to me I'll start making mix cds or iTunes playlists that keep me in that character's headspace.

Some days it *does* feel a lot like work. Like this is my real job, and that other stuff for the journal is just a distraction. But...I can't not do it, either. I get so much out of people's responses, and out of the satisfaction of turning a phrase just right. And when I don't do it I feel -- edgy. Cranky. Like there's energy rattling around my head doing nothing. So anytime the distractions from hell aren't owning my soul, I try to write a little more.

But...I can't not do it, either. I get so much out of people's responses, and out of the satisfaction of turning a phrase just right. And when I don't do it I feel -- edgy.

Yes, exactly. It's such an odd addiction.

It just has to be 1am on a work night.

*g* Of course! (When I was in college, exam week was always good for at least one fic. I was writing GW fic before my big ochem final instead of studying!)

The busier I am going to be the following day, the more inspired I am. :)

*laugh* It used to be like that for me. These days, I seem to be in bed by 9PM.

I don't need any specific conditions. I need some way to write stuff down. Pen and paper, a computer - whatever.

It is not my hobby. It is what I do whether anyone pays me or not. I've been published but not for money. I'm applying to grad school again.

Is it really a hobby for you?

I don't have a TV. :)

Writing fanfiction is a hobby for me, yes. It's something I do for fun that's outside my regular occupation. I don't think that has to mean it's something trivial, though. People are often deadly serious about their hobbies.

It's just a hobby that I have to force myself to do some of the time. *g* Actually, it's more a part of my overall fandom hobby. And doing the un-fun parts makes the fun parts more fun.

Or something. :)

Fair enough. I do know people can be insanely passionate about their hobbies. :D

I just sort of look at fanfic as exercise - to keep limber when not writing original stuff.

Crap, I sound all arrogant.

*hides and scratches out little stories on ATM receipts*

Hee! I think we're just approaching the terminology differently, is all. :)

Cool.

I think semantics maybe part of it and also that I am working towards paid publication and an MFA - so I think about it as more than just a hobby - but of course I may be totally unsucessful and never make a dime. So it is weird to think of it as a career.

Do you write original stuff too? Do you submit for publication? Your website is wonderful.

If I can write right away on the spot when something comes to me - no problem. But if I have to wait - I find a thousand reasons not to start. My big thing is making sure I take care of *everything* so I won't be interrupted - like dusting the tops of the ceiling fans....

I have so far been fine once I do start - maybe I;m afraid of that moment of sitting down and finding it won't happen?

I haven't gone so far as to do *housework*. I think I'd rather write. *g*

maybe I;m afraid of that moment of sitting down and finding it won't happen?

I think there's something to that. After all, this is a difficult and skilled activity. And it's different every time. But I think the stories that are the hardest to write, that cause the most anxiety, are usually the best in the end.

I realized yesterday -- consciously, that is, I've been doing this forever and making the conscious observation of it wasn't a *surprise*, per se, just... "huh" -- that I am the most distractable creature alive when I'm trying to do something that I don't know how to do it. When I'm really, really starting from scratch. Anything and everything suddenly becomes more attractive and important. Yeah, "I have to unclog my hand lotion dispenser" -- that would work.

Once I get going? Once I'm on a roll? Once I've got a plan? Then I'm unstoppable. Indefatigable. I'll work until I drop and then come back for more.

It's that scary unknown place that I'm clearly trying to avoid. (Like right now, here, this minute, reading my flist instead of figuring out how to incorporate this old javascript script into this new PHP project.)

So I guess what I'm saying is, "You're not the only one." And probably also, "It's just human." Time and again, I get the reminder that we're all in the same skin. :-)

Okay, I'm really gonna go do it, now. I am.

When I think about when I used to write, I realize I had two different modes: the voices-spurting-out mode, where I'd be on the train scribbling dialogue fragments or walking and arranging scenes in my head, and the actual work mode, where, after the voices had reached some kind of critical mass, I'd sit down and actually start typing stuff out, beginning with transcribing whatever notes I had (actual or mental) and then taking the plunge into uncharted waters.

Mode 1 was anywhere, everywhere, damn the torpedoes and ignore the job, full steam ahead. My favorite place.

Mode 2 required quiet, solitude, ignoring of all possible distractions. And frequently, I would do things like unclog the hand cream dispenser to avoid actually sitting down and doing it.

Vidding seems to be divided into these two modes as well, with the first mode being "hearing the song and having it go PING with images and ideas", and I gestate there and make my notes and stuff, and Mode 2 being actually sitting down to edit. There's the intermediary mode of ep viewing/capturing/ripping which has its own sort of mental state attached to it: boredom and impatience.

Whether writing or vidding, I find I have to set aside special time to make sure it happens. I have to mark out time on my calendar. I have to make sure I've done absolutely everything else I'm responsible for (work, dishes, relationship maintenance) before I'll allow myself the time and space to sit down and, well, take care of myself creatively -- which is what either pursuit really is, for me.

Well... I went through a very bad spell after 9/11 (I worked in 2 WTC, the South Tower) where I couldn't write at all. I could get a scene, maybe, but it never went anywhere. And the problem with a cute scene is that that's all it is. A cute scene. A story requires more buildup.

A lot of what I do when I write is visualize, rather as if I'm watching the story happen. It's four-dimensional, though, since I can also peer into the characters' heads and hear what they're thinking.

Probably because I live in NYC, music doesn't bother me. I use it to tune out street noises and house distractions. In some cases, music is an assist for a scene where I need a certain mood. In rare cases, I'll put in a tape of that show so I can have the characters' voices in the background -- it seems to help me with their dialogue.

I used to write with pencil and paper. There still is something about the tactile, the feeling of the pencil moving over good smooth paper -- and I still buy notebooks. These days I more often use the notebooks for keeping drafted scenes or phrases I don't want to forget.

Aside from that -- I don't really have starting-writing rituals any longer. Lately, I've been writing at work (not as stealing from the boss as it sounds.) I work the help desk. I'll have five minutes here, five minutes there, and as long as I have the basis of the scene in my head, then I can put it down (up?) on the screen without too much difficulty.

Where I do have a ritual is when I have a problem with a story. Usually that's either structure or a plot problem. When I hit the wall, then I start going back to the beginning of the piece and compulsively polishing. Once I do that, I really need to put the piece away until I can figure out where my problem is and how to fix it.

But a lot of my writing seems to be done (I think) in my subconscious. If it's cooperating, I have a mental outline that I'm not always aware of. I don't outline much -- it seems that if I sketch out the plot, then the subconscious decides I'm done and won't cooperate to fill it out.

I agree, it's not necessarily fun, but it is satisfying. Finishing it is satisfying. Finishing a scene and feeling you've done what you wanted to with it -- that's fun. I suppose I still write because I can't not write. Even when I couldn't put pencil to paper or fingers to keyboard, I was still telling myself stories. At least now it seems I can actually put the plot down on the page.

I need music on that is vaguely moodwise related to what it is I'm going to write, although I can write in silence if the thing I'm writing is coming out strong enough. Have to write on the computer, otherwise I'm worried about it being readable.

Although clearly being creative in words is generalized enough that as I've been pushing out a series of eight research papers on various things I've not been writing fic. I suppose that writing, and the concentration thereof, gets fed either way. However, where I can't sit down at a fic and say, "Right, I'm going to write out that certain scene" I can say, "Right, I'm going to justify my interpretation of that particular word in that recipe" and go to it very successfully. I choose to view it as a good thing in that someday I'll be able to do that with fic.

I write because I'm addicted to it - if I'm not writing, I generally feel like crap. *g* That said, I'll read my flist, check my email, make myself a cup of coffee, pace around the room, fiddle with my playlist and talk online with friends before I'll actually get down to writing! But eventually do enough stuff that the only thing left to do is write. *g*

I've found that I can write creatively a lot faster now than a year ago, writing a medium-length story in 12 hours or so if I know the plot/themes going in. I also *need* music or noise. A long, long time agao, I was a complete silence person, but then I had three years of math tutoring done in a noisy and distracting environment, and now I find it very hard to study, or write, or do pretty much any type of work in silence. ^^

We do this because TV is dull dull dull. It's sooo boringly mind-numbing and writing keeps our imaginations active!

I find that the conditions for writing are more often than not a state of mind. Saying to myself "Okay, there's other things I could be doing (the clogged spout is annoying me!) but I'm going to sit here and get this thing out of my head right here and right now, finally, and THEN I'm gonna unclog that thing. Alright?" And then I get engrossed in writing and forget all about the spot....

May I link to this from

gushoushinfiles? I'm subbing for

animadri. This sounds like the kind of thing that would be of interest to fandom in general.

Sure, that's fine. :)

On making yourself write.

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