Van and Deaq were celebrating a silly Valentine's Day together. Van had cooked a thoughtful dinner and they ate through a window by candlelight.

"My darling," Deaq said, stroking Van's knee, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Van. "It is but a demonstrative token of my lovely love."

Van opened the box. Inside was a late sandwich! He gazed at it happily. Then he gazed at Deaq happily. "It's hungry," Van said. "Come here and let me kiss you."

Just then, a bitter crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a furious Mama Lachey hearing about another of Nick's careless moving schemes that did not quite kill her baby Drew. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a green voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Deaq read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other truthfully as the crone cackled some more. Van's finger began to tremble. Then Deaq shrugged, pulled out a blood, and hit the crone on her head. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Van said and kissed Deaq quickly. "This is a tasty Valentine's Day!"

They slowly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they kissed each other all night long.