I amused myself greatly during my flights yesterday afternoon by imagining the AU in which the Avengers are professionals in an orchestra.
I was listening to the main title sequence to Thor: The Dark World, see, and it struck me how much fun
Thor would have hammering away at the kettle drums on that particular piece of music.
From there it wasn't much of a leap to realize . . .
That Pepper's the conductor. The orchestra tried four other conductors before her, and none of them could handle the job. Pepper smiles a lot and rules with an iron fist. Not even Tony tries to cross her. (Well. Not after he tried the first time, at least.)
Tony owns the orchestra, and the concert hall, and most of the property in the arts district. His dad was a weapons dealer, but Tony inherited the whole thing when he was 21, sold the company, and threw himself into the music he'd always loved. He's first violin. (Of course he is.) A diva to the core, known for tantrums and waltzing into rehearsal still mostly drunk. But he's a technical genius - his fingering is precise and the music he plays beautiful. (He doesn't love playing the title music for Zeus II - prefers the difficulty of the titles for Major USA: In From the Cold War. Now that's a violin part.)
Steve plays the French Horn, and although people (Sam) like to tease him about it, there's something about the soaring arc of the melody he carries that makes people think of words like noble
, and virtue
. (Steve has almost no virtue left, says Sam. He personally removed it. Repeatedly. In their marital bed.)
Sam plays the trumpet - likes its sass. Trumpet players are, by reputation, cocky, but Sam says it's not cockiness when you really are damn good at what you play. Confidence, he says. It's all about confidence. Everyone in the wind section wants to be a trumpet player.
Rhodey disagrees. He plays the piccolo, and is the damn finest piccolo player you've ever seen. There are rules to playing the piccolo - piccolo takes discipline
. Trumpet players don't have discipline.
Bucky plays the cymbals. Crankily.
Clint plays bass, and is as content to bow as to pluck the strings. He likes to try and catch Natasha's eye when they're playing, mess up her bow work, but she's wise to him.
Natasha is first cello. She tells people nothing about herself, so there are at least seventy-four stories circulating about where she learned to play. The best anyone's been able to get out of her is "Budapest."
Maria, Peggy, and Bruce are in the choir. Maria's a soprano, gets solos all the time, could be a star but prefers to be part of an ensemble. Peggy's a second alto, a damn fine one, and she's often asked to sing tenor when the men rather muck it up. Bruce looks like he should be a tenor but he's all bass - the power of his voice takes everyone by surprise on the regular, and he spends a lot of time looking vaguely uncomfortable about how vocally strong he is.
Nick Fury handles the finances - has an iron-clad agreement with Tony that Tony will not ask him questions, ever. Tony complies. It's some kind of miracle-working magic on Nick's part. Or perhaps he knows something about Tony that Tony doesn't want everyone else to know.
And then there's Thor, who is so happy to be on percussion, banging on drums, that he just grins beatifically through every rehearsal and every performance.
(Peter Parker's still in music school, but he's been asked to play iron bar whenever the orchestra records the theme to Metal Guy III.)