Entries tagged with on the subject of me

Crossposts: http://prillalar.livejournal.com/514969.html

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Fandom Snowflake: Day 4

Day 4: Comment to someone you haven't ever interacted with before or introduce yourself to someone you've interacted with and friend/follow them.

I did this on the friending meme! And I still have a couple pages there to go through looking for more shared-interest folks. (Especially Yuri!!! on Ice right now.)

Welcome to everyone who added me! I definitely intended to add everyone back and I'm going to take a look at that later on to make sure. (I also have some people who I didn't sub back to ages ago because I was following them on LJ so I want to get that sorted too.) I mainly subscribed without giving access because I almost never make friends-locked posts.

It's always okay to drop me again if my content is not to your liking, no explanations necessary. Unless you say otherwise, I'll assume it's not personal and you'd still have a drink with me if we met at a con.

I've been in fandom since the X-Files days and I've been in Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Buffy & Angel, Harry Potter, and other fandoms before dropping into Prince of Tennis (my forever fandom) and discovering my sports series soul. Current sports series are Haikyuu!! and All Out!! and I'm looking forward to the next YowaPeda series. (I also love tokusatsu, especially older Kamen Rider series, but haven't connected to many people over that.)

Over the long term, I'm hoping to post a couple times a week about my fandom interests. Typically, that's sports anime/manga with a bit of Star Wars, Doctor Who, etc. I, like many, many others, am currently obsessed with Yuri!!! on Ice so that will feature prominently, I'm sure, at least for a while.

If you want to chat on Twitter (

prillalar ) too, that's cool! I haven't been adding people on Tumblr because I'm trying to cut my time there down.

Crossposts: http://prillalar.livejournal.com/514387.html

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Fandom Snowflake: Day 3

In your own space, set some goals for the coming year.

- Write more fic and at least some meta. I've committed to

getyourwordsout for 75K this year, so I'm hoping to meet or surpass that.

- Post and interact more on DW (and still LJ). I've reconnected to some old friends and met new people through the multi-fandom friending meme and I'm excited to get to know everyone better!

- Not let fandom take over my whole life. I tend to be a bit obsessive with my hobbies and while I understand moderation in all things intellectually, it's hard to internalize.

- Seriously think about whether I need to make a career change.

Crossposts: http://prillalar.livejournal.com/513924.html

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Fandom Snowflake: Day 2

Going to try to do

snowflake_challenge this year! I didn't hop on it in time to do day 1, maybe I'll catch up later.

In your own space, share a book/song/movie/tv show/fanwork/etc that changed your life. Something that impacted on your consciousness in a way that left its mark on your soul.

The X-Files. It's a show that changed the way we do television. It gave me a love of media about the supernatural and conspiracy theories. It started a local social event that's been going on for nearly 20 years.

And one day, I thought: I bet there's fanfiction for this show.

I'd read a little fic previously, for ST:TNG, but just randomly. With TXF, I got onto Usenet, mailing lists, starting writing my own fic, and made friendships that I have to this day.

The X-Files gave me fandom. And I'm thankful every day.

Crossposts: http://prillalar.livejournal.com/513044.html

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End of Year Fandom Meme 2016

1. Your main fandom of the year?

Let's just say "sports manga/anime". Prince of Tennis, Haikyuu!! and Yuri!!! on ICE dominated.

2. Your favourite film watched this year?

Ghostbusters 2016. Oh. My. God. So smart and funny and fun. Also I got Holtzmanned pretty hard! (Like you didn't.)

3. Your favourite book read this year?

The Three-Body Problem by Liu Cixin. Far and away my favourite. I love first-contact novels and this was such a fresh take! I wasn't as enamoured of The Dark Forest but I'm looking forward to reading Death's End in 2017.

4. Your favourite TV show of the year?

Yuri!!! on ICE hands-down. Just. Was not expecting this level of awesomeness. Every time I re-watch I see new things and flail harder. (Honourable mention to Brooklyn 99 continuing to be amazing!)

5. Your favourite online fandom community of the year?

Twitter. I still miss the slower pace and threaded comments of LJ, but Twitter is where I do my fannish chatting these days. Come find me (@prillalar) there so I can chat with you too! I'm @prillalar on Tumblr too. (Um, the queue of Georgi birthday fanart reblogs will end eventually.) I poked at Imzy a bit but it didn't stick, at least not yet. (If you're reading this on Tumblr, I'm prillalar on Dreamwidth. Yay branding!)

I do want to engage a bit more on DW in 2017 so I'll try to post more often and hopefully find others who are still posting. I'm thinking fannish stuff on DW and Tumblr, life stuff probably just on DW.

6. Your best new fandom discovery of the year?

It's a toss-up between the Sports Anime Shipping Olympics (aka SASO) and Yuri!!! on ICE but I'm going to go with SASO because that's where I met a bunch of the people I've been flailing about YOI with. ♥

That said, the twelve weeks when YOI was airing was the most intense fannish experience of my LIFE and I've been around for a while! I'm hoping to ride that wave all the way to season 2.

7. Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year?

Cheer Danshi. (So disappointed, I can't be bothered to look up the correct number and placement of exclamation marks in the title.) Men's college cheerleading, should be awesome, right? I foolishly got my hopes up. It was cute but ultimately uninteresting to me and I haven't finished it. (Though I do plan to.) No fandom sprung up around it that I could find either.

8. Your TV boyfriend of the year?

Georgi Popovich. I love sad sack side characters. I love self-aggrandizing side characters. I love evil witches. I love Georgi. [witch makeup heart hands emoji]

9. Your TV girlfriend of the year?

Can we go with movie girlfriend and say HOLTZMANN OMG 4EVA? Otherwise, Saeko-neesan from Haikyuu!! (I lost my heart when she was drifting!).

10. Your biggest squee moment of the year?

YOI episode 10. Especially the end. But especially the glove. But especially all of it. But especially the end. This episode caused me to end up sitting on the floor of my office the next day, because I couldn't stand up due to emotion, listening to Shut Up and Dance and crying.

11. The most missed of your old fandoms?

I would have thought this would be Prince of Tennis but I didn't have to miss it because it's still there! Not to the same extent as the days of yore but I have a bunch of friends who only just got into it and a bunch of friends who are still into it and a bunch who used to be and still tolerate my fannishness. I only wish there was a way to make it more centralized, like it used to be on LJ.

12. The fandom you haven’t tried yet, but want to?

I'm not sure if this exactly qualifies, but I'm hoping Yowamushi Pedal S3 will bring me more into the fandom proper.

13. Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year?

Making new friends and reconnecting with old friends. I know I'm a bit standoffish and can be hard to get to know. And also, since I'm a fair bit older than a lot of people I meet in fandom these days, I don't always want to take the initiative in case I seem creepy. But I've got to know some really great people recently and I know I'll get to know more. :)

Writing more fic. YOI, tenipuri, HQ. Slam Dunk. Star Wars. Finish the Christophe/Georgi series. Start that Polar Bear Café Shirokuma/Grizzly story I keep thinking about. Write more and more and more Inui/Kaidoh.

2016 was the year I came back to fandom after several years hiatus. It's one of the best things I've ever done. I love you all so much.

Crossposts: http://prillalar.livejournal.com/511602.html

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Whatever, I'll do what I want

I sometimes feel embarrassed about how long I've been in Prince of Tennis fandom but I've been trying to get over that feeling. Because it doesn't look like I'll be over tenipuri any time soon.

When I first started watching the anime, lo! these many years ago, I posted in my LJ: I don't anticipate that I'll be reading in this fandom a lot or that I'll be writing in it at all (or even posting about it much in LJ). Two weeks later, I posted my first InuKai fic. <3 (And I'm at over 100 stories now and still grinding them out.)

After that, I instituted a system where if I wrote a story in another fandom first, I was allowed to write a tenipuri story too, since tenipuri was all I wanted to write. I'm back to that rule now. :) (Trying to write more Haikyuu!! especially; I love those characters a lot.)

It's not always fruitful to analyse why you like something but I can say that the sprawling cracked-out canon with the adorable and over-the-top characters really, really appeals to me. Like Doctor Who & Star Wars -- there's so much to chew over and discuss and try to make fit. I consume and enjoy media that's excellent, with tight plots and detailed relationships, but it only rarely makes me want to talk and write and flail like this glorious mess of a not-actually-a-sports-series does.

So, when I want to post about tenipuri, I'm going to post about tenipuri and fuck being embarrassed about it. When I want to write PoT fic, I'm going to write PoT fic. When I want to flail about the Chinese drama, I'm going to flail about the Chinese drama.

Please be kind. :)

Crossposts: http://prillalar.livejournal.com/511200.html

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on the subject of me

Can't stop, won't stop

I'm experiencing that situation where you feel like you ought to be creating fanworks constantly, no downtime. I've often said fandom is like an unpaid part-time job but sometimes it's more like school and the guilt over homework never ends. Self-imposed guilt, though; nobody is pressuring me.

I'm a little brain tired still after RR245 -- that took me a month to write and was the most difficult thing I've worked on this year so far. But was I was so excited when I got to finally write the happy ending! And I still have Pluto on my own phone's lock screen. <3

Next up I want to write some Tsukishima/Yamaguchi (Haikyuu!!) but I'm weirdly intimidated by them. I have a cute and funny premise but I'm afraid they'll make it sad. Maybe deep down I really just want Yams to stare at Tsukki and Tsukki to stare at nothing at all, angsting their high school angst, never getting closer than they already are.

Maybe some DaiSuga would go better right now. Maybe I should just read a book and drink some tea. :)

Crossposts: http://prillalar.livejournal.com/510419.html

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On and on and on

SASO is nearly over and I've finished all my responsibilities. I had a really great time, working with my team (you are all ⭐️s) and meeting new people and writing a bit of tenipuri and Haikyuu!! fic.

I certainly wasn't very productive in comparison to a lot of participants! But over 3 months I did write 14 short stories in 3 fandoms, did 2 short podfics for the remix round, and worked on our team projects.

Also this year, I wrote for one tenipuri exchange and one multifandom exchange. Feels like a lot, at least for me. I think it helped a lot with getting back into writing and into a fandom headspace.

I've been slowly getting my back catalogue of fic up on AO3 but there is still so much to go. I haven't been backdating it, just putting the year written into the notes. But I do need to start getting the older stuff up too. (Like the X-Files stuff from, oh my god, last century.) I feel pretty cringe-y about some of it so I will probably backdate most of that and silently apologize to anyone who's subscribed to me.

I've been up on Twitter quite a bit -- I feel like it's filled at least part of what I've been missing about LJ fandom. And I'm just now getting going on Tumblr, which has been okay. Still working out how I want to use it. Mostly posting about tenipuri & HQ and reblogging mostly sports anime stuff. Might do some cross-posting here, but not sure yet. Oh, and poking around Izzy too. (LMK if you need an invite.)

Trying to plan my fanworks schedule for the fall. I've got a few WIPs in the hopper, which is a nice feeling. :) Thinking about setting up a tenipuri side blog for revisiting my episode recaps.

I wasn't going to do any more exchanges this year but then I saw

relationshipping, which is an incest exchange and very rtmi. So, still not sure, but I'm pretty tempted. Maybe I'll wait and see if someone else nominates Donny & Marie.

This has been long and boring! I'll try for some more fannish content next time. :)

Crossposts: http://prillalar.livejournal.com/509820.html

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on the subject of me

Reconnecting

So, after about 4 years gafiation I've been getting back into fandom stuff. It turns out I'm still really, really into Prince of Tennis. And now also into Haikyuu!! (And a ton of other stuff, but these are the big two.)

I'm trying to get more content for these series into my life, so if you have any recs for people/blogs I should follow on Twitter, Tumblr, and (wishful thinking) LJ/DW, please let me know! Or if there's a Sekrit New Platform everybody's moving to.

I've got to know some cool new people via SASO but I'm hoping to meet even more. And maybe find some people that I fell out of touch with. If you tried to get in touch with me during my offline time and I didn't get back to you, I'm sorry. I was fine, just burnt out, I guess. No worries if you'd rather not hang out any more.

My contact info for all these services is here: https://prillalar.dreamwidth.org/511604.html

Crossposts: http://prillalar.livejournal.com/507161.html

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on the subject of me

(no subject)

Surfacing after a day and a half of migraine. I feel like I get them a lot less often than I used to but they fuck me up so much more. I have a ton of writing and other brain work to do and all I can do is stare at the wall, even though the pain is gone. Well, I'm doing laundry in between stares. And I did get listen to audio books for about eighteen hours. :)

Was hoping to get two more fills done for SASO BR1, but alas. It was good to write some smaller, faster things, though. I feel like I'm getting back into the groove. I'm trying hard not to fall back to writing all tenipuri. But it's still just so much fun.

Finished the main Yowamushi Pedal anime (haven't watched the movie yet) and oh my heart! It was just so wonderful and gave me everything I wanted for the relationships and development and learning about cycling and all. So perfect I can't quite imagine writing about it, but I guess we'll see.

Gearing up for Euro2016! Supporting Spain again, hope my heart won't be broken. My wardrobe has mostly been reduced to black so I had to go out and buy a red and a yellow bandana. I don't have cable anymore, though, so it's going to be a challenge to find some way to stream.

As always, I like cheese. And you. ♥

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Happy Birthday to Me!

It's my birthday again. I am pleased to be still alive. :) And pleased to link you to this year's birthday story, a short and ~~sappy~~ sweet InuKai: Backhand.

This year, I've made birthday greetings extra-easy on you. Simply fill out the poll and your social obligation is taken care of!

I love you all -- I'm so glad to still be in fandom and to know so many wonderful people. ♥ ♥ ♥

[Poll #1672808]

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Things that are things.

✩ Look for sign-ups for the second round of the InuKai Exchange as soon as I get my act together! Hopefully some time this week, once I work out the dates. :)

✩ While you wait, check out the Prince of Tennis Kink Meme! Leave some kinky requests, write some kinky fills! It's anon, so your depravity will not be exposed. (Anyhow, nothing seems too hard-core as yet.) If you still just want to lurk, there are a few fills to read already. :)

✩ Whenever I think my job will finally get less busy, it gets more busy. But we're moving to some projects where I'll get to do back-end dev as well as front-end so I'm happy with that. Anything that gets me more power and authority is all right by me.

✩ I am watching Covert Affairs these days. It is fun and the cast is attractive.

✩ I wish I had some cheese but that would involve getting out of my recliner.

✩ In conclusion, Atobe is hot.

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If I had you, that would be the only thing I'd ever need.

✺ I really want one of these ZÜCA Pro carry-ons. Like, really. Is 300 bucks too much for luggage?

✺ Is anyone else having trouble with the LJ scrapbook? I can view mine but can't upload to it. (Else I would have added a pic of the lovely, lovely ZÜCA Pro.) The upload page just tells me I need to be logged in, even though I already am. I wonder if it's an issue with Excolibur. If you *can* upload, can you paste in the URL of the upload page for me? Working now. It's Tuesday -- LJ must have pushed a code fix.

✺ I finished my

otpimpchallenge pinch-hit story! Two days late and I had to get my partner to beta it at the pub. He's useful that way. Good thing he's a tenipuri fan.

✺ I am reading a book about how to make small talk and get people to like you for business reasons. Now I actually want to meet some new people to test out my technique. So long as I don't have to stay out after dark.

✺ I may have to buy an evening gown, a new experience for me. It's not for a real occasion as such, but the Boy and I thought it would be fun to get way super dressed up for a "banquet" at a D&D con. He needs to buy a tuxedo anyhow for his various musical performances. I don't even know where to shop for this! I may have to actually get shapewear or something! I hope I don't buy a Mother of the Bride dress by mistake!

✺ I ♥ you guys. *kisses*

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In lieu of content, a meme.

So slammed at work right now, no ~~time~~ energy for real content. But a meme is close enough for government work.

Tagged by

bombaygin!

( questions & answers )

I tag no one. But if you felt like it, you could tell me something that you are looking forward to.

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Happy Birthday to Me!

One more year and I didn't die. Seems like an accomplishment. :)

I've posted my birthday story for 2010: In the Lurch (InuKai). It contains a few of my favourite things, so I hope it makes you smile.

I'm smiling today. I have a great partner, great friends, great fandom. I love my job, I love my hobbies. I have cheese, I have chocolate, I have coffee. I love my MacBook, I love my iPhone, I love my Kindle. The only things I still want are a smart car and Drew Barrymore. And it's good to have things to wish for. Else I wouldn't know what to do when I blow out the candles.

Thank you for your part in making my life so fantastic! ♥ ♥ ♥

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BRAINS! and other items of note.

Item: Happy Birthday,

pixxers! I hope you have a fantastic day. ♥ *sneaks over and eats your brains*

Item: May Long! Stat holidays fill me with such sloth. I will be lucky if I get "Watch Kamen Rider Ryuuki" checked off my to-do list today.

Item: I'm sad I didn't see the Madrid Open final but I did get to see the photos of the sweet mutual grooming at the awards ceremony, so that was something. :)

Item: I forgot to post about it, but I saw Star Trek last week and it was AWESOME.

Item: I need $20K to buy a car. Do you think I would be more lucky with a lottery ticket if I'm only hoping to win a small amount of money and not six billion dollars? It seems to me that such lack of greed should be rewarded by the universe.

Item: I cannot think of anything clever for this item.

Item: I like ~~BRAINS!~~ ~~cheese~~ BRAINS!

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Life, Prince of Tennis, and Everything

✖ Monday night I was relaxing and reading some blogs and I suddenly thought: I wish it were morning so I could go to work. Seriously, my job is like my new fandom, or something. I get to go there and be smart and sought-after and admired and do fun and challenging things and look hot at the same time. And they fucking pay me!

✖ I only made it about two weeks without dairy. It was that wedding I had to go to that did me in. I ate some goat cheese at the salad course and then added some cream to my terrible but necessary coffee to make it palatable. And then when I got home I ate half a stick of butter. My lack of willpower is shameful! But seriously it was hard to make up the fat calories I lost from cutting butter. I just can't eat that much coconut oil.

✖ We've just started Nationals in our Prince of Tennis rewatch. I once again cried the bitter tears of a Tezuka/Oishi shipper as we were cheated -- cruelly cheated -- out of seeing their match. But there were other things that made me smile. Momo-Kaidoh-ish things:

I completely forget why, but Momo was making a noisy fuss courtside. Kaidoh told him to be quiet, they weren't at the zoo. I turned to the Boy and said, "The zoo must be where they go on their dates." I have added "cranky zoo date" to my list of MomoKai fics to write. ♥

Later on, that big guy in Higa hoists Ryoma by his collar and Momo yells out to him. Some random Higa kid yells, "Do you want to fight, Tokyo boy?" Momo is on his way over the fence when Kite warns him that they are all martial arts experts. "We won't know unless we try," Momo says. "Will we, Mamushi?" "Bring it on," Kaidoh says. And every time I read or watch this, every time, I hope that they really will mix it up with Higa because I am dying to see Momo and Kaidoh in a fight, on the same side. Maybe they will yet, in shin tenipuri! I don't have to add this one to my own list, though, because I've already written it.

✖ Writing 20 minutes a day is working out great! I haven't missed a day since I started. And I'm actually getting some fic finished. I'm back to working on the Fuji/Kaidoh now and after that either some Data Pair or MomoKai. It's just a little time out of my day but I feel so much more productive and engaged.

✖ I also feel like I've got a much better digital/analog balance right now. In the mornings before work, I read, I don't go online. On work days, I usually read LJ only once, after work. I spend more time cooking, walking, etc. I'm working my way through my backlog of TV, anime, manga, and toku but not feeling guilty for being behind. Things are good!

✖ Doctor Who was fucking fantastic.

♥ And so are you.

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Tennis, golf, and basketball, these robot ponies do it all.

✩ I clearly fail at digital/analog life balance. I've been getting a lot of reading done, though. Actual lie on the couch, immerse yourself for hours book reading. I'd nearly forgotten how to do that. It's helped me feel a lot more focused.

✩ During the last year, my partner and I have been re-watching Prince of Tennis and we are now so close to the end of the regular series, right at the last ranking matches. (Coming up next: Momo vs Kaidoh!!!) Even though we have all the OVAs after that, I can't help feeling the same melancholy I felt back when I first watched the episodes, sensing the end so near. Whenever we're listening to the OP and the lyric "it's going to be okay" comes up, I think, "It's NOT okay! Give me my show back!" The OVAs are lovely and fine but I miss waiting for the raw each week and then waiting for the translations and subs and that whole feeling of continuity stretched out ahead of me.

✩ I feel the same way about Battlestar Galactica.

✩ Aside from the first six or so episodes, which

kestrelsan showed me last fall, I have watched the entirety of Lost in the last two months. Except for tonight's episode, which I will watch tomorrow morning. Turns out I like it.

✩ How are you all feeling about the new Fullmetal Alchemist anime? I'm kind of not allowing myself to have an emotional reaction yet. (Except for the wailing and gnashing of teeth over Roy having a new VA.) I haven't watched any trailers. I haven't read much news. I'm starting to feel a little jittery.

✩ I'm trying a new program of writing for 20 minutes per day, to try to get some fic finished. Which doesn't seem like a lot of time but it's more than zero minutes. So far, I've made two days in a row. :D Now I just need to get a wall calendar and make a red x every day.

✩ I plan to give up dairy products for the month of April as an experiment. Can I survive a whole month without cheese?

✩ Hi.

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on the subject of me

Fandom is just a goddamn hobby

(In which I make plans to celebrate a Significant Fandom Date for myself and then miss it because I got the dates wrong.)

Ten years and one day ago, December 4, 1997, I posted my first fanfic story. It was The X-Files, of course. I'd been in fandom, reading and chatting a bit, for a couple of months, and I really wanted to play too.

The first story I started never saw the light of day, sadly. It was a casefile and a crossover with Sweet Valley High, based on a SV Kids Super Snooper book where, as elementary school kids, Jessica and Elizabeth and their friends are abducted by aliens and have to help out this alien princess. She gives them her necklace to say thank you and even though they forget about the abduction, they still have the necklace. My story took place when they were in high school and Jessica found the necklace in her room. She remembered the abduction but Elizabeth denied it ever happened. Mulder and Scully came out to Sweet Valley and Stuff Happened. God, it would have been so glorious. There was even a scene of Mulder and Todd Wilkins playing one-on-one basketball.

Anyhow, I don't have any new fic for you, because I'm beavering away at my smex pinch-hit, but I went through and picked one story from each year, as kind of a retrospective. But don't read the early ones because they kind of suck.

1997: Male Bondage
X-Files, R, humour.
Mulder, Skinner, Krycek, and special guest star Tom Colton (remember him from Squeeze?) attend a rather...different kind of seminar.
First story I ever posted.

1998: Free Agents
X-Files, Millennium, Twin Peaks, R, humour.
The annual meeting and mixer of the Free Agents of the FBI.
I drew the pairings out of a hat.

1999: Phantom Pain
Star Wars, Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan
...for love is strong as death...
This one still makes me laugh.

2000: The Rose, the Thorn, the Blood, and the Moon
LotR, Legolas/Gimli, R.
Sweet friends, sweet words, sweet deeds.
Pre-movie fic! But of course they're canon anyhow. And I couldn't quite not link to the Jar Jar slash too.

2001: As I Went Down in the River to Pray
Greek mythology.
Peirithous in the underworld.
I'm not sure what to say about this one. It's moody but I still like it,

2002: Three O'Clock in the Morning
LotR, Merry/Pippin, PG13.
Under the mallorn tree.
I love these two so much. SO MUCH.

2003: In Love
HP, Marcus/Oliver, PG13.
What's a boy in love supposed to do?
There was so much to choose from from this year, but I already knew this was the one. Oh, boys! I also made a recording of this one, if you want something to listen to on the bus.

2004: Kobayashi Maru
Stargate, Daniel/Paul, NC17.
Missing scene for 48 Hours. Sometimes Daniel doesn't want to think.
I always wanted to use this title. Also, to write Paul and Daniel having sex.

2005: Not the Triumph
Prince of Tennis, TezuRyo, R.
Beijing 2008. Tezuka's last chance.
They still make me sigh.

2006: 300
Prince of Tennis, InuKai, R.
Inui wonders why.
My favourite pairing, my favourite story. Which took me a freaking year to finish.

2007: Loser
Aim for the Sky!, Sato/Asakawa, PG.
In which Tachiki isn't a nice boy, Sato isn't a smart boy, and Asakawa isn't a natural blond.
Made-up fandom, true. But I love this story so much.

Wow, ten years is a long time. And so many fandoms I couldn't fit into that list. It's been so much fun and most of that is down to you, for reading. It's what makes it all worthwhile. ♥

So, uh, yay me. :) And if you have any questions you want to ask about my writing and such, go ahead.

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on the subject of me

The usual whinging.

I am not caught up with LJ. I am not going to be able to catch up with LJ. I feel terrible about this, but I don't see anything changing in the near future. The more I don't read (or answer comments), the more guilty I feel and then the guilt makes me avoidant and I just don't go near the computer at all. No LJ, no writing, no reading fic. (I'm still watching and reading all my media, though.)

Just to clarify, a new job and some other life things have made me a lot more busy. Nothing bad has happened. But I have less brain space and social energy than I did and there's not enough left for my current level of fandom involvement. I'm really a huge introvert and I'm needing more time inside my own head to recharge.

I hate feeling so unconnected to fandom. And I hate being so unproductive. I think it's going to have to go one of these ways:

1. Cut my flist. I SO don't want to do this. I never have done a serious cut before. I love having a large and diverse group on my list. But that really does me no good if I'm not actually reading it.

2. Filter my flist. I do have filters now, but they're for organization and I read all of them. (Well, I did, until a few weeks ago.) Somehow, that seems less, I don't know, honest than cutting, though. I don't usually make locked posts, so it wouldn't really restrict access to any of my fandom stuff.

3. Struggle on. Maybe after a month or so, I'll get my brain organized enough that I can be as social/productive/happyhappy fangirl as I was before.

4. Ignore LJ and fandom and just rewatch the Ippo-Sendoh bouts over and over again. At the moment, this is a tempting option.

I will take some time to decide. Now I am going to go try to write some fic, to get myself into more of a fannish headspace. I was going to disable comments on this post, so I wouldn't have to feel guilty if I didn't answer them, but meh.

Sorry for inflicting my complaining on you. And sorry for letting you down. I ♥ you guys. It's not you, it's me.

Entry tags:

on the subject of me

Data collection

I was feeling curious.

[Poll #747467]