How to write good, tip #836

[prillalar]

Before we begin: leviosa8 posted a sweet pic from a RyoKai dj.

In the last week, I've seen two MomoKai stories that used "taller boy" and "shorter boy" to differentiate between the characters. Only they didn't agree about which was which.

This sort of thing might work for Hagrid/Dobby fic, but Momo and Kaidoh are too close in height. (I think Kaidoh is the technically taller, but Momo's hair sticks up pretty high.)

Here are few epithets you can use instead. It's clip-n-save!

Momo	Kaidoh
purple-eyed boy	dark-eyed boy
spikey-haired boy	bandana boy
Dunk Smash Specialist	Boomerang Snake Expert
easy-going boy	uptight boy
hamburger addict	training freak
boy with the annoying voice	boy with the sexy voice

Or you could just use their names.

Comments

[zarahemla.livejournal.com]

Snerk -- it's like reading Angel/Spike and they're all, "The dark-haired vampire" and "The blond vampire." USE THEIR NAMES. THAT'S WHY THEY HAVE NAMES.

[mayhap]

So that's why Momo does his hair like that! Compensation!

(170 cm v. 173 cm. I checked.)

[zauberer-sirin.livejournal.com]

In the last week, I've seen two MomoKai stories that used "taller boy" and "shorter boy" to differentiate between the characters. Only they didn't agree about which was which.

LOL

and now I´m going to have nightmares about Hagrid/Dobby fics.

[grasshopper.livejournal.com]

Hee! My favourite epithet I've seen for Kaidoh is "the snake shot user". Although that doesn't come close to the best epithet I've ever seen, which was for Fuji: "the sadomasochistical tensai". :D

[pixxers.livejournal.com]

*snerk* Names? What a concept.

My all time favorite is still 'the bespectacled teen'. Nono, 'the cat-like acrobat' was pretty good too.

*high touch*

[kessie.livejournal.com]

Use their names for the love of anything and everything. ;_; This is why they have them!

[bodhibird.livejournal.com]

Of all the things I have hated about fanfic, the use of epithets may be the one I hated most. Even pretty good stories were often riddled with it, especially in XF and in Sentinel (and for the love of God, Mulder is *not* any shorter than Skinner!)

[the-star-fish.livejournal.com]

Or you could just use their names.

Shyeah, if you're some kind of weirdo.


Pffft. Names.

[dejla.livejournal.com]

Hagrid/Dobby??!!

Just -- ewwww.

[annotated_em]

Butbutbut their names are so boring! *wails* No one will ever read my fic if it's all "Momo stuck his tongue down Kaidoh's throat" and then "Kaidoh groped Momo's ass"! It's too repetitive.

[/silly]

[prillalar]

At the very least, be more creative with the epithets than "blond vampire"! How about:

"The vampire with the bad hair bent the failed poet's head back and grinned slowly."

[prillalar]

I think that's why guys do anything. *g*

Yes, my sweetie is the taller boy. AND he's older. So don't anybody think he'll be uke to Momo any day soon.

[prillalar]

and now I´m going to have nightmares about Hagrid/Dobby fics

If I hadn't just exhuasted myself writing for all those anon fic memes, I would write you some. It would be called "The Long and Short Of It" and it would be an epic tale of romance and intrigue between a gentle giant and a loopy house elf, with some hot Harry/Draco on the side.

[prillalar]

Hee! I love ff.n more than life itself. I stole "Dunk Smash Specialist" from a story there in which Oishi was called "the former fuku-buchou".

And I love the rhythm of "sadomasochistical".

[prillalar]

I can deal with epithets if I like the story otherwise, but some of them are just so out there. The ones that use their special shot names are really the best.

[prillalar]

I can see why people baulk, though. When you're describing whose what goes where, there can be a lot of name use in one sentence. Whenever I write het, I'm amazed at the relief it is not not have to worry about the pronouns so much.

[prillalar]

I confess, I do have quite a thing for M/Sk fic with lines like "Skinner pushed his agent up against the wall and kissed him".

[prillalar]

What? Names are wrong? Why did everybody wait so long to tell me?

*burns all stories*

[prillalar]

Theirs is a forbidden love.

[seii-ryu.livejournal.com]

I love fandom epithets! Especially when they get really long, like in the case of Harry Potter.

[prillalar]

I think you will get much more feedback if you rephrase thusly:

"The food-loving rogue stuck his tongue down Inui's ex-boyfriend's throat."

[prillalar]

I love the ones that use the House name. The blond Slytherin, the handsome Hufflepuff, etc.

[seii-ryu.livejournal.com]

My favourite has to be: the redheaded Weasley.

[deidarachan.livejournal.com]

I know, right? There's like... A two centimeter difference between them or something.

Kaidoh's voice is so sexy. *_*

[deidarachan.livejournal.com]

Names are SO out. You must find various traits about them to call them by instead! That's how you write a COOL fanfic.

[moshesque.livejournal.com]

I am so going to use 'boy with the annoying voice' and 'boy with the sexy voice' when I write this pairing. ;) ;)

[dejla.livejournal.com]

I would say 'tell me about it' but somebody might take me literally.

[prillalar]

His voice, his hair, his pretty ankles...

[prillalar]

I'll be looking forward to that. :)

[laylah.livejournal.com]

I would opine that the "his" changes the tone of that sentence completely. Instead of awkward writing, behold, you have deliberate -- and extremely hot -- objectification!

...Which is, I think, the only instance (well, the deliberate case, at least, I'll leave it to others to decide the hotness) in which I use epithets myself. And even then, they work much better when they are consistent instead of switching every sentence.

Because really, by the time you've gotten through the bit where the purple-eyed boy is sticking his tongue in the bandana boy's mouth, and moved on to the bit where the hamburger addict is getting his ass groped by the training freak, well. How many boys are stuffed in this supply closet again?

[prillalar]

Instead of awkward writing, behold, you have deliberate -- and extremely hot -- objectification!

Well, you're right of course. :)

How many boys are stuffed in this supply closet again?

As many as possible.

[i-smile.livejournal.com]

I don't know that I'd follow that last bit of advice. Obviously you should use their names at least once in the fic so that your work isn't deleted from pairing-specific archives (I cleverly put them in the pairing summary), but it shows a distinct lack of creativity to resort to using "Kaidoh" or "Momo". Anyway, what if you don't know how to spell it? If you really are that uncreative, you can fake it by using "his lover" (which lets everyone know where he stands :)) or "the other" (which isn't obnoxiously obvious like names!).

[reposoir.livejournal.com]

I want to see a fic where the boy with the annoying voice is referred to as such by an author during sex with the boy with the sexy voice.

Hee! So funny! :D :D :D

[prillalar]

Oh, you make such good points! How would I be able to recyle my Legolas/Gimli fic as Tezuka/Fuji otherwise?

[prillalar]

I don't know about the author, but Kaidoh might refer to him that way. :)

[i-smile.livejournal.com]

That's really important to think about, too! God, you're smart.

[grasshopper.livejournal.com]

So do I! I'm thinking it needs to be in a Gilbert and Sullivan-esque musical: I am the very model of a modern tennis prodigy...&c. :)

[prillalar]

That was the first thing I thought of when I read "sadomasochistical"! It scans perfectly.

I would attempt a couplet, but it's Friday afternoon and I don't have my rhyming dictionary.