"Why can't a woman be more like a man?"

[prillalar]

So, I try to keep this a fandom journal. I don't write about my RL much except as it intersects with fandom. (Which is quite a lot, actually. My primary identifier is fangirl, after all.)

And this is about fandom, but it's also personal. I'm usually more private than this, but I've been having beer and Elvis and so my inhibitions are lowered. *g*

Anyhow, this is about BSOs. (Bright Shiny Objects, if you've not seen that acronym before.) I was looking at my icons and I realised that the majority of them are of men or m/m pairings. But why? I'm bisexual and IRL, it's the woman who most occupy my attention. It's the women that I watch when I'm out. It's the women that I want to like me. It's the women that I lust after. (Well, except that one guy at my coffee place who was talking about how he did construction during the day and spun at night -- I wanted to jump him right then and there, but I had to wait for my Americano and missed my chance. Also I had to get back to work.)

In the shows/movies/books I follow, though, it's mostly the men who hold my fannish attention. I looked at my 50 icons and here's how they break down:

Misc: 9, including Thor, PJ, and Neville
Male BSO/pairings: 36
Female BSO/pairings: 4, including Hermione, who is not really a BSO at this stage. (Jeez, when did I delete Gogo?)
Het BSO/pairings: 1

When you come right down to it, in a lot of these canons, it's still the women I would pick if I were lucky enough to be able to pick.

Stargate: I'd do Sam, hands down. But I'm most interested in pairings like Daniel/Jonas or Daniel/Paul. I do have a Sam icon, though.

HP: actually, I don't really want to sleep with any of the main or minor characters. I'm more interesting in reading/writing m/m pairings, but some het is quite appealing too. There's really no f/f that I want to see. Majority of icons are of the boys.

LotR: Oh my god, Éowyn! I want her so bad. But my icons are all Pippin, M/P, and Aragorn.

FMA: If I were picking myself a date, it would be Hawkeye. She's so hot and competent and just my god. But do I have an icon of her? No, it's all Roy and Hughes and HughesxRoy and one of Ed to show willing.

Gundam Wing: Again, if I had got to do anyone, it would be Noin. (And I forsee some Noin/Sally in my future.) But I'm writing about Heero and Duo and Wufei and Treize and that's who's on my icons.

Jeremiah: For some reason, I have no icons yet. But if I did, they would be of Markus, Markus, Markus, and his pretty mouth. OK, and he's the one I would do.

B5: OK, here I've got an Ivanova icon. (Not a great one, though. Hmm.) And she's my first choice for a snugglebunny. G'Kar being a close second. But it's not like I actually write any B5 fic.

Angel: K, I want Wes. And I used to have an icon of him, but I deleted it to make room for something else. I do have icons of Spike and Angel, but I so do not want to sleep with either one of them. Ew! But there aren't any women on that show any more that I want. Lilah and Kate, though. Mmmmm.

So, the question is: Why all the men? I suspect that largely there are more men than women in these canons and that they are given more interesting roles. But sometimes I feel kind of guilty about it. Like I'm being misogynistic by not giving the women better iconic and fictional representation. Like I'm elevating these men to a higher status. It disturbs me.

Do you ever feel that way (if you're a woman, that is)? Am I nuts for feeling this way? Did I over-share?